Am I being oversensitive?

I don't know quite how to say this . I don't know what the opposite of misogynistic is. Some men don't cope as well with these things as most women do.

My first time, I came out of hospital after 6 days, back in the good old days. My husband went to get our motor home serviced because it had been booked in before my diagnosis. Our neighbour collected me from hospital. He took me home via a scenic route because he thought I'd enjoy the drive! My Mum came over so I wasn't on my own till my husband got back. I can honestly say I have never really forgiven him for it.

The second time he was much better as I had pointed out his lack of support. This time he's done a lot of moaning about a mosquito bites that has been a bit sore. He will be amazing about the practical things. I'll be physically very well cared for. I'll eat well, the house will be immaculate but he will need reminding that every now and then that won't be enough. He will sometimes have to give me a hug as I cry. 

We must remember though that it is hard on them too. They are facing a great deal and some of them don't really have people they can talk to. He doesn't know any more than you do what will happen next. He doesn't have a team on the end of a phone line to ask questions of. You need to talk to him about how you feel and how he is making you feel it's what you would do about anything else in your marriage cancer is no different.

I only got flowers when I put them on the shopping list. Now I don't have to. Sometimes some men need to be told but they learn.

Love and hugs. 

I think Silverberg has answered sensitively, our menfolk are sometimes not able to recognise without being reminded that we are the same person inside, albeit a bit battered and sore on the outside.

I had a different problem in that hubs had a long awkward hip scar after his first hip replacement when he was only 47, I had to remind him that he was exactly the same man I fell in love with and married, I didn’t care about his scar, all I cared was that he was in so much less pain. 

when I had my first surgery, the sentinel node biopsy, (it was about a fortnight before the mx due to us having booked a holiday)  I asked hubs to help monitor the redness around under my arm and to take a daily photo on my phone, he got involved that way and appreciated being helpful and was ok at looking after the mx. I guess our boobs are a part of our femininity and so to our menfolk, any change to that can be tough for them to accept. And as Silverberg says, they don’t get similar ways to help them cope and deal with the changes in their wives, let along know instinctively how to reassure and be an emotional suppor when we need it. 

Try to talk about it all at a non confrontational time, spell out how you’re feeling, you’re bereft too and in need of his acceptance as the person you are inside, the person he fell in love with and married. 

Hugs xxx

Morning gorgeous, you are definitely not being oversensitive at all. Please don't look inside yourself for an excuse when someone external upsets you. This is not you at fault at all. I'm so pleased that you have recognised that he is upsetting you . What I mean by that is , our emotions are all over the place and we do get many comments through at us, some are helping and some want to make you to scream. But none of them are you being oversensitive. I am learning that trying not to hurt someones feeling because I have cancer is too hard. So I will now say how things make me feel. For example. I have had my hair cut short ready for my 2nd lymph node clearance and chemo. When I came home after a very emotional time at the hairdresser,My husband said " oh, it's a bit short, I'm not a fan of short hair" wow. My reply was " well thanks for making me feel great and how are you going to feel when I have no hair at all after chemo" and I left it there for him to think about. 2-3 hours later it sank in and he apologised and we talked about how that had made me feel. I hope you can find your own way to communicate with your husband how much this is upsetting you and how he can make you feel better. You are an amazing woman going through a really hard time. You are not oversensitive. Love and hugs xxxxx