Telling loved ones

Hi Ruby paws welcome to the forum though I am so very sorry to hear what is happening for you? Can I ask you what age your daughter is? My main reason for doing that is that Macmillan may have booklets that they can send you designed for young children for exactly the reason you asked about. If you wanted to give the Macmillan Line a call they will tell you what they have available 08088080000. Please also remember we are here for you as well as you need us to be so don't be a stranger and post as you want in the thread as you have already done. Sending hugs Gail x

thank you. she's 19 and due to go to uni in September, she's travelling at the moment thats why I haven't told her. I feel guilty causing her more pain as her nan( dad's side) died 2 months ago from lung cancer. I don't know where to start to tell her .

You don't have to rush it if she is travelling. Do you know the type of Breast Cancer yet or what the plan of treatment will be for you. Maybe then you at least have a plan in place which can be more positive when you know whst the journey looks like for you. Xxx Gail xxx

Hi RubyPaws , I think telling loved ones was worse than getting the news myself. Particularly my kids, who were 22 and 24. My situation was complicated by the fact that my daughter had just left uni and was going to a research project in a jungle for a month, then travelling on to Australia for up to 2 years. And my son lives in Canada. I told them both that I’d had a breast lump checked out at the clinic, and that I’d have to have it removed. I felt they needed to know that I would be having an operation. I knew from my clinic appointment that it was very likely to be cancer but I just didn’t tell them that. And I reminded them that I’d had a breast lump removed several years ago which turned out to be a fibroadenoma (benign). And I’ve also had a couple of ops in the past to remove uterine polyps, thankfully also benign. So I didn’t lie directly but omitted any suggestion of cancer. I had the op while my daughter was in the jungle and pretty much not contactable. While she was there I did tell my son that it was likely cancer, and then told her once she’d arrived in Australia where at least we could speak properly on the phone and she was with a friend. 
With both of them I was quite straight with the information, albeit with my best positive spin - just a small lump, caught early, very treatable. Cancer but a not so terrible version. They were both upset of course but I think were comforted that I was very matter of fact about it. I’d had a good few weeks to get used to the idea myself which I think helped. Once they both knew all there was to know, I told all my friends and colleagues as I wanted it all out in the open. But everyone has their own feelings about who to tell and how much. For me there was some relief in just getting it out there. 
You’ll find the right words for telling your daughter, you know her better than anyone. And young people are remarkably resilient, I think. Sorry for the long ramble! I just remember dreading telling them and then it wasn’t so bad, and definitely a relief. Sending love and a big virtual hug, HFxx

Hi there

i am very sorry to hear what you are going through. I am 5 weeks post surgery after a mastectomy and diep flap reconstruction. I am a child psychotherapist and a childrens nanny. I told the 4 and 8 year old that I am looking after at their Mums request. I said that Ali was poorly and had cancer but the doctor would make it better. 
I had some brilliant books which I read to them and left for them to read and be read to at their own pace. I could give you the titles when I am home from my holiday. One of them was called ‘cancer hates cuddles’
After the initial tears, both girls have been fascinated by my treatment and that the doctor managed to make me a new breast from my tummy. Instead of being frightened, they were fascinated. I think telling the truth is very important.

If I’m allowed to speak to you, I would happily help you through the process.

I hope it all works out well for you, my thoughts are with you

Kind regards Alison