Can't be bothered

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Hi Everyone!!

Quick background. I had a lump removed from my breast in April as there had been changes. When the lump was tested both myself and the consultant got a huge surprise that the lump was cancerous. There is a 0.002% chance of this type of lump being cancerous (apparently). I was diagnosed and had lymph nodes removed. Thankfully there was no spread! Ive been on tamoxifen afew weeks and start radiotherapy in a few days.

I dont know if its anyway connected but I just have no get up and go. Im so lethargic and everything seems like a task. I also feel like im isolating myself. I have a good support system but just dont want to be around anyone its too much like hard work. Im particularly dreading my mother having to look after my kids when I go for my radiotherapy sessions as I'll have to see her every day. I feel terrible even saying this.

I cant say im feeling down or depressed I dont really feel anything. Sorry for ranting but I feel that this forum is a good place to express myself without judgement.

Thanks for reading x

HappyFeet1 20 hours ago

Hi mamoftwo , this is definitely a good place to let go of feelings, a safe place to rant, rave, whatever! You can say things that you wouldn’t be able to say to family and friends. No judgement here.

It sounds like it was a huge shock to all involved, even the medics, that your particular type of lump turned out to be cancerous. You are probably still reeling from that shock diagnosis. And tamoxifen can take its toll. I was a lot older than you when I was diagnosed (59) and my kids are grown up. So when I had my 3 weeks of radiotherapy I can remember thinking that it was like my job just to go there, have the treatments, rest up and eat well in between. I wanted just to focus on that, didn’t socialise much and was lucky to be signed off work right through till 4 weeks after my radiotherapy finished. You on the other hand are having to deal with children as well as a mother who is probably very worried and anxious about you. Sometimes we just need to be able to hide in a corner and ‘survive’. It can all feel totally overwhelming. I wonder if your ‘not feeling anything’ is your way of coping atm. We all react differently and need to be allowed to! Sending love and a big virtual hug, HFxx

HappyFeet1 xx

Don’t be afraid to cry. It will free your mind of sorrowful thoughts. – Hopi

mamoftwo 19 hours ago in reply to HappyFeet1

Hi, thanks so much for your reply. I know exactly what you mean about just getting on with it. It's as though you dont want to be a burden. I just hope I get the radiotherapy out of the way and sort of forget about it and get back k to the 'normal' me. If there is any such thing.

Thanks again xx

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