Loneliness after surgery

Hi sweetie,  just a thought can they not give you anti. Sickness sort term to get you to the 3 month mile stone and help you that way. Thanks for your rant , we all need to every so often. You are not alone on here. 

Hi. I believe there is another brand of tamoxifen called nolvadex- d that has less binders and a more natural coating thus less side effects. 

Can I just ask are you not having chemo and/ or radiotherapy? You say surgery, was this mastectomy or lumpectomy? I’m not much older than you so just interested to hear the different treatment plans people have. 

You could always try the anti sickness bands, they are supposed to be very good. 

Hi I had a lumpectomy on the right breast and due for radiotherapy but that won’t be until September due to a waiting list. I am seeing my consultant tomorrow as I found another lump in the left armpit so getting it checked out. I will mention the nausea while there. 

thank you. 

Hi

i will ask again tomorrow it’s just so frustrating that it feels like  I have to fight for everything. 

I have been feeling so alone I had a great support from family & friends from diagnosis until 2 weeks after 2 x surgery & now feels.like they think im back to normal, also on tamoxifen that is making me very tired but people just shrug it off, I've still to get my radiotherapy & feel so alone

I know where you are coming from people just assume as we have had the surgery it’s now over with and everything is back to normal. Last weekend my hormones made my emotions spiral and I felt so lost and alone the tamoxifen is making me tired and feel sick still even after 3 months of taking it and I start radiotherapy on 23rd September. I have just been trying to distract myself by doing diamond art but it doesn’t solve the feeling alone problem. I was looking at the cancer psychological service leaflet I was given but I haven’t contacted them because I feel like I’m being silly as there’s people worse off than me. I’m happy for you to chat with me if you want to off load. 

Yes, I had 2 have second surgery as margines were not clear after first so for a good 3-4 weeks it was constant messaged, visits, husband was doing everything around the house & I wasn't allowed to lift a finger. Now 7 weeks on i barley hear from anyone husband is back to doing nothing in the house unless I ask, someday when I feel tired & I tell him that he will say "nothing new there" I'm feeling tired, emotional, sicky, lonely & feel there is no point in taking to him, my radiotherapy starts on the 30th September, yeah feel I need to talk to someone, hope you are doing ok Jenkirky86 

I have replied but they don’t seem to be showing so apologies if you get multiple replies. 

My husband is the same and I’m dreading trying to deal with radiotherapy and do everything around the house and school runs. I’m tired of being tired and want the old me back, at the weekend I was really low and wanted to stop treatment because I just feel like it’s making me worse. 

sending hugs x

Good morning..Jenkirky86 

At least you are never alone on this site.

I am sorry you are feeling so unsupported. Sometimes I think the neglect of family and friends as our treatment progresses is a reaction to their relief we are still here. They want things to go back to ' how they used to be.' because that means there's no chance of losing you or me. Of course for us,  it isn't like that. Very few people get through treatment without some side effects or changes to their previous 'normality'. However, I think you have to have experienced it to understand. Often it's nothing that you can easily define. You just know things are not quite the same. 

Even after ten years I get days in which I don't feel quite well. This is mainly due to the neuropathy that the Taxotere caused. My OH is good. He has always tried to understand but he doesn't always get it right. I'm not sure he really understands that feeling, always there, that another cancer could develop at any time. I am lucky. I live in a place where I have annual checks and plenty of information. I had TNBC. I have been told by doctors that the original is now unlikely to reoccur but to stay vigilant as the conditions which caused it, may cause another. This does happen. I have friends experiencing this now. However, try explaining this constant fear to other....non BC....friends. They see only the fact that treatment appears to have removed my cancer. They don't see the leg and feet pain, night cramps, fear of every new ache and breast twinge, hard scars which take forever to heal, sudden bouts of fatigue ( no comparison with tiredness) that come from nowhere. They simply think you are here therefore you are ok. 

I have written the above not as a lament. Once you get beyond immediate treatments, you do adapt to the continued difficulties. They are there but you live with them. You are aware of your limitations. Mostly, you never mention them. You probably take pills....I have a few that will be forever .....and the aches become normal.

I do live a good life. Just with differences. One I enjoy. OH and I celebrated 50 years of marriage earlier this year. We travel . We enjoy meals out. We meet with friends. We walk and garden. But living a good life and recognising the need for friends who understand that ' bc' part of me are very different. That's why I'm still here on Macmillan posting regularly but mainly chatting on the Awake thread. There I have found a thread where everyone understands the good and the bad moments of living. We share the everyday, the more exciting aspects of our lives, we laugh but we can also empathize without judgement if anyone is having a bad day.pPeople who post may have years of experience with this situation or just a few weeks. It doesn't matter. The fact is we are that virtual back up, on both good and bad days, that doesn't always come from home.

My advice with your OH. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. You will probably have a lot more fatigue after radiotherapy and tablets that bring their own side effects. He needs to know that while you are trying to recover, he has to adapt his expectations too. The Breast Cancer advert on TV is brilliant. The one where the patient talks to camera saying one thing then to those around her saying something different. Now is the time for you to make the ' talk to camera' comments to your family. Ask them too about their feelings. You might be surprised by their answers.

I hope using these threads you will feel more understood and less on your own. Try out Awake too. You might find that through it, you can make new friends to keep regularly in touch with or meet up with. I have.

I hope the next few months go well. Keep in touch. Never be on your own. We're all here for one another.

Love Karen