How to be honest with my family when I'm trying to be tough

Hello Raffel , I am sure your family are feeling the same as you . We have to be honest with each other . You're being brave already .You can start the conversation....and the rest will follow .

Wishing you well 

Zillah 

Hi Zillah thanks so much for your response. I've been reluctant to have these conversations as I don't want to upset them tbh.

I guess the roles are now reversed and I will have to let them see my vulnerability x

Hi Raffel

I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis.  You have just taken me back to 2020 when i was diagnosed of breast cancer.  I was sitting in the hospital car park, crying my eyes out. I broke the news to my youngest sister then went home to my 10 yr old daughter and my husband.  Life stood still and told my husband about my diagnosis.

I was told the exact thing by my consultant you mentioned. 

You are optimistic and that's good.  Please keep positive.  One thing i can reassure you that surgery is not that bad. I had a mastectomy and lymph nodes removed. Once i came out of the theatre I was sleepy and could not feel much pain. Next day in the morning, i gave myself a body wash, packed my suitcase and asked my husband to pick me up.  I returned home and ate a good plate of meal. Everyone was stunned to see me like that and the next day i was called into the hospital to have my drainage removed.

You are strong and i can reassure you, all will be well. We are human being and it is natural to be scared.  

I told myself nobody could change the fact that i had cancer and all i had to do is embrace whatever was coming my way.

I was glad that i was the chosen one to have the cancer based inbour family history. I had the will to fight it.

Remember you are optimistic and that makes you very strong.  Take each day as it comes.  This is your "Me time" and use your every will power to fight the fear.  

 We are here for you and we are going to walk along with you in this journey.

Hi Raffel, I sympathise. I was fretting about telling people close to me and even had a table at one point - who to tell, how and when (I know). Then a friend who had bc a couple of years ago said tell your family so that you can get support from them. I hadn't even thought about it like that. I was more worried about upsetting them. Let's face it, there's never going to be a good time. Good luck.

Hi Raffel

I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I was diagnosed in December after a routine mammogram. I had surgery 11 days ago (lumpectomy and lymph nodes removal) and I'm due to start radiotherapy in around 6 weeks' time.

When I was diagnosed, it was like my world collapsed. Everything I had planned, everything I wanted to do - suddenly my world stopped. At first I didn't tell anyone except my partner but then found the strength to tell my daughter, my siblings and close friends. It was the best thing as everyone has been so supportive. It's OK to admit you're struggling. It's OK to cry. It's OK to be scared. Do whatever feels right for you. Have a duvet day. Go for long walks. Spend all day watching cheesy movies. There's no right or wrong. 

I can honestly say the surgery was nowhere near as bad as I imagined. And my recovery, thankfully, has been good. 

You will get through this. Good luck with your surgery and recovery. xx

QueenieM

• Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me.
• I've since spoken to my family of my fears and they absolutely understand where I'm coming from.
• Yet another obstacle gone ️

Hi HeatherLassie

I so appreciate your message.

I've since had conversation with my husband and one son as to my feelings of not wanting to worry them with all my insecurities.

Turns out they know me better than I know myself! 

I'm sure once the surgery is over with and a plan of action is in place my mind will ease a bit.

I am still at work full time until my surgery which keeps me focused but all of a sudden the reality of my situation hits me and I have a wobble.

I work for a company who make memorial jewellery so a huge proportion of my day is supporting bereaved clients which is some days a little over whelming at present.

Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I really do appreciate it.

I hope you're going from strength to strength x