How to be honest with my family when I'm trying to be tough

Hello Raffel , I am sure your family are feeling the same as you . We have to be honest with each other . You're being brave already .You can start the conversation....and the rest will follow .

Wishing you well 

Zillah 

Hi Zillah thanks so much for your response. I've been reluctant to have these conversations as I don't want to upset them tbh.

I guess the roles are now reversed and I will have to let them see my vulnerability x

Hi Raffel

I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis.  You have just taken me back to 2020 when i was diagnosed of breast cancer.  I was sitting in the hospital car park, crying my eyes out. I broke the news to my youngest sister then went home to my 10 yr old daughter and my husband.  Life stood still and told my husband about my diagnosis.

I was told the exact thing by my consultant you mentioned. 

You are optimistic and that's good.  Please keep positive.  One thing i can reassure you that surgery is not that bad. I had a mastectomy and lymph nodes removed. Once i came out of the theatre I was sleepy and could not feel much pain. Next day in the morning, i gave myself a body wash, packed my suitcase and asked my husband to pick me up.  I returned home and ate a good plate of meal. Everyone was stunned to see me like that and the next day i was called into the hospital to have my drainage removed.

You are strong and i can reassure you, all will be well. We are human being and it is natural to be scared.  

I told myself nobody could change the fact that i had cancer and all i had to do is embrace whatever was coming my way.

I was glad that i was the chosen one to have the cancer based inbour family history. I had the will to fight it.

Remember you are optimistic and that makes you very strong.  Take each day as it comes.  This is your "Me time" and use your every will power to fight the fear.  

 We are here for you and we are going to walk along with you in this journey.

Hi Raffel, I sympathise. I was fretting about telling people close to me and even had a table at one point - who to tell, how and when (I know). Then a friend who had bc a couple of years ago said tell your family so that you can get support from them. I hadn't even thought about it like that. I was more worried about upsetting them. Let's face it, there's never going to be a good time. Good luck.

Hi Raffel

I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I was diagnosed in December after a routine mammogram. I had surgery 11 days ago (lumpectomy and lymph nodes removal) and I'm due to start radiotherapy in around 6 weeks' time.

When I was diagnosed, it was like my world collapsed. Everything I had planned, everything I wanted to do - suddenly my world stopped. At first I didn't tell anyone except my partner but then found the strength to tell my daughter, my siblings and close friends. It was the best thing as everyone has been so supportive. It's OK to admit you're struggling. It's OK to cry. It's OK to be scared. Do whatever feels right for you. Have a duvet day. Go for long walks. Spend all day watching cheesy movies. There's no right or wrong. 

I can honestly say the surgery was nowhere near as bad as I imagined. And my recovery, thankfully, has been good. 

You will get through this. Good luck with your surgery and recovery. xx

QueenieM

• Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me.
• I've since spoken to my family of my fears and they absolutely understand where I'm coming from.
• Yet another obstacle gone ️

Hi HeatherLassie

I so appreciate your message.

I've since had conversation with my husband and one son as to my feelings of not wanting to worry them with all my insecurities.

Turns out they know me better than I know myself! 

I'm sure once the surgery is over with and a plan of action is in place my mind will ease a bit.

I am still at work full time until my surgery which keeps me focused but all of a sudden the reality of my situation hits me and I have a wobble.

I work for a company who make memorial jewellery so a huge proportion of my day is supporting bereaved clients which is some days a little over whelming at present.

Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I really do appreciate it.

I hope you're going from strength to strength x

Hi, so glad everything  went well.

Did you have to stay in overnight or go home the same day after lumpectomy etc?

Hi

I am exactly the same...I havent had a decent nights sleep since the pathology report came back as cancer .....and also get panic attacks just thinking of the lumpectomy  op in just under 2 weeks time.....as I hate operations and have a fear of hospitals since watching  my mothers fight with breast cancer as a child

I was diagnosed with IDC on the 3rd of this month.....and have been in a fight or flight ongoing response ever since....my initial meeting with my breast surgeon (same time I was told it was cancer) felt slightly rushed and because the breast surgeon assigned to me also does oncoplasty I felt that the conversation I had with her was very much steered towards having tissue replacement reconstruction within the same operation as the lumpectomy and SLN removal.......

It has only been in the past couple of days that I have decided to contact my breast cancer nurse (without much luck) to tell her that I no longer want the reconstruction just the lumpectomy......just in case they need to go back in if the margins arent clear of cancer etc........and besides i really don't care if my breast is half the size of the other.....

Hi SoNowWhat

I had day-surgery so was at hospital for 8am and home by 5pm. There were 5 ladies including me in for surgery that day and I was second last to be taken so was a bit of a wait, but was glad to get home that day.

The surgery was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. I'd only had surgery once before and that was 40 years ago! So I was very nervous. However, everyone at the hospital from nurses to anaesthetists to consultants were lovely and I felt very well looked after.

If you are worried about anything at all, perhaps discuss with your BCN beforehand and she might be able to put your mind at rest. Or you'll get the chance to chat with the nurses, consultant and anaesthetist on the day of your surgery which I found very helpful. 

Good luck with your surgery!! Xx