I thought I was doing ok but …

Hi shel1007 welcome to the forum. I am so very sorry to hear what is happening  for you. It's little wonder this has triggered a grief reaction for you about you. I think when we are diagnosed we go into very practical mode and get onto the rollercoaster to keep going. We know not to step off until all the treatment is done. However, when the treatment stops and life becomes a bit quieter it's in these times that our thoughts creep in about what has actually happened to us and that's OK. I'm glad that you felt able to share it here with us and we need no explanation we "get it". Be kind to yourself and remember you need time to recover you. Sending huge big hugs your way for now. 

My heart goes out to you. About 6 months after I’d finished chemo, my ‘chemo buddy’ died suddenly after being given the ‘no signs of disease’ status, she’d had pancreatic cancer but we’d met on the ward. Despite only knowing her a few months I was devastated, I could barely breathe for crying at her funeral, I’m genuinely not a person who exhibits such strong emotions, nearly 2 years on I’m still mourning her, I think of her everyday. The why’s, the what ifs, our own fragility, blah blah. I’ve found it harder than grieving people I’ve known years and years. It’s awful when someone in your circle dies, I think even more so maybe when we’ve been through what we have. Try not to think about what others think of your reaction. Your grief is yours and very valid. Huge hugs x

Just to say that i don’t think is unnatural or surprising. It’s actually still early days . I have found my anxiety/ emotion levels are much higher post treatment than during active treatment. Have you ever done the Moving Forward course with breast cancer now - it’s really good and very reassuring! You take care . Better days will come 

Hello and thank you - I’ve managed to book on a moving forward course in January. Sometimes you just need to say it out loud which is what I find this forum so great for. Sending everyone such positivity