I am really struggling with the emotional fallout from the diagnosis. On the one hand I know I should feel happy that the Cancer was caught early and I only needed radiotherapy, but on the other hand I worry daily about it coming back.
I dont know if it is just the reality of having had the disease ( I am 3 years post lumpectomy), my age or whether it is the effects of the lertozole, but I have gone from being someone who rarely cried, to being on the verge of tears all the time. I am finding work unsupportive and my husbsnd, who lacks empathy, has been totally not there for me throughout this whole process. In fact when I came back from hospital and was not supposed to be alone for 24 hours he went in to work!
I recently changed jobs. Ive previously been a Manager and senior in my progession with extensive kmowledge in my field, but after my Cancer I was treated differently and given a different role. They made me redundant and then offered me a lesser role, which I took. I was then bullied for being too thorough and therefore slower so ultimately not bringing in as much income as they would like. They wanted me to cut corners to push work through which I wouldnt do. So I found myself another job, but despite all the promises thry nade at interview, I have found myself in the same stressful situation where being thorough and wealth of knowledge dont count. Where there has been little to no training on their case management system.I'm considered too slow and not the cash cow they wanted. My manager is unpleasant. Didnt even wish me a happy birthdsy on my 60th and made me work that evening so I had to cancel my birthdsy meal out. I feel like Im being treated as a child, talked down to, belittled. There is no respect for experience and knowledge. Ive been told to stop helping colkeagues who know far less. I lie awake at night worried the stress from the job will bring the camcer back.
I feel so desperately down and alone. Has Cancer had the same effects on anyone else? I doubt myself when I used to feel confident in my ability. I am an emotional wreck.
