Struggling with emotional effects

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I am really struggling with the emotional fallout from the diagnosis. On the one hand I know I should feel happy that the Cancer was caught early and I only needed radiotherapy, but on the other hand I worry daily about it coming back.

I dont know if it is just the reality of having had the disease ( I am 3 years post lumpectomy), my age or whether it is the effects of the lertozole, but I have gone from being someone who rarely cried, to being on the verge of tears all the time.  I am finding work unsupportive and my husbsnd, who lacks empathy, has  been totally not there for me throughout this whole process. In fact when I came back from hospital and was not supposed to be alone for 24 hours he went in to work! 

I recently changed jobs. Ive previously been a Manager and senior in my progession with extensive kmowledge in my field, but after my Cancer I was treated differently and given a different role. They made me redundant and then offered me a lesser role, which I took.  I was then bullied for being too thorough and therefore slower so ultimately not bringing in as much income as they would like. They wanted me to cut corners to push work through which I wouldnt do. So I found myself another job,  but despite all the promises thry nade at interview, I have found myself in the same stressful situation where being thorough and wealth of knowledge dont count. Where there has been little to no training on their case management system.I'm considered too slow and not the cash cow they wanted. My manager is unpleasant. Didnt even wish me a happy birthdsy on my 60th and made me work that evening so I had to cancel my birthdsy meal out. I feel like Im being treated as a child, talked down to, belittled. There is no respect for experience and knowledge. Ive been told to stop helping colkeagues who know far less. I lie awake at night worried the stress from the job will bring the camcer back. 

I feel so desperately down and alone. Has Cancer had the same effects on anyone else? I doubt myself when I used to feel confident in my ability. I am an emotional wreck.

  • Hi Mag123,

    I had a lumpectomy some months ago and lymph nodes removed, I  finished my radiotherapy a few weeks ago and am now taking one day at a time. I’m sorry you are not getting support from work, they had no right to make you redundant, in fact that is discrimination. The Equality Act 2010 states that cancer is classed as a disability and that you have certain rights, information is on this site. Your health is a priority now and not work, maybe it’s time to find a job with more decent and considerate colleagues.

    You have made the first big step by finding the Macmillan site, also do visit your nearest Macmillan centre, a list is on here, or ring them on 0808 808 0000, they are superbly helpful and give you lots of great info, do walks, talks, help with benefits, bills, open 10-4 Mon-Fri for coffee and chat and lots more, it may also help to take your husband along as they can talk to and help him as well, in complete confidence. Please also get a good support structure in place, family, friends for example. I’ve lived on my own for nigh on forty years, but realised you can’t do this on your own. I also go for a short walk every day (British weather permitting) and do a daily diary, this is mega helpful, as it gets everything off your chest and out of your system. It is important during the day to keep yourself occupied, hobbies, interests etc., it stops you from dwelling on what is going on. You may also find it beneficial to listen to a meditation podcast, they really help you to relax especially when you are trying to get to sleep. I use one called ‘Go Gently’ by Christine Elizabeth Smith, it does a lot for me. Whatever you do, do not visit Dr Google as there is so much conflicting information, your head will spin and it will stress you out, listen to your medical team and you get great support on here.

    I know it’s hard sometimes, but try and keep as positive as you possibly can, have positive people around you and dump the negativity, above all, be kind to yourself - I promise you, you will get through this. You are never alone and can always come and chat to us shower in here.

    Keeping fingers and everything crossed for you.

    Take care and big hugs.xxx

  • Hi

    I'm sending you a big hug. I wanted you to know that you are not alone in feeling like this. I used to work 24/7 which was to my own detriment I feel all those hours and all that hard work meant nothing when I was diagnosed. I have just finished radiotherapy after having surgery in July and chemo from December last year to May this year. It has been a tough road.

    I have learnt an awful lot about breast cancer but also a lot about human nature from the kindness, empathy and compassion shown by some to the absolute opposite from colleagues and even family which was a real eye opener. From someone like me who has always been there for others no matter what, to what I have experienced has been an absolute shock at times. Still everyone deals with things differently and none of us knows what is around the corner

    I would say regarding the work situation, have you contacted Macmillan to talk it through? They are used to dealing with all sorts of cancer related issues and they will be able to give you information regarding your rights about that. Please make use of them. You are protected under the disability and discrimination act as you have had cancer so employers cannot treat you in a negative way.

    I used to be very confident and assured but I cry a lot too and I've learned not to be ashamed of it. It is better out of my system even if it is for a short time than being bottled up inside which could make me feel worse. 

    One thing I have tried to do is not think about it all at once otherwise I feel overwhelmed. I might think about family then another time think about work and so on. Compartmentalising things has helped me. I would also suggest getting a counsellor - this may be easier said than done but speak to someone who can help you with your thoughts. I always sorted my own problems so this is a big change for me but I have come to realise that I cannot and should not be doing this on my own. 

    A big hug to you, things will get better, you will feel better, be kind to yourself .xx

  •   , no advice, I know you’ve been through it and wish I could offer you some that actually helped, you’ve been on the site a long time and know what you’re entitled to, i know…..

    but sending you a mahoosive ((((hug))))

    xxx

    Moomy