Someone announced my cancer diagnosis and double mastectomy to people in room. I was there.

Hi Cloudier

I agree with you, it's odd that your friend told her daughters about your double mastectomy when the conversion wasn't about about surgery or cancer.  While I don't mind people knowing about my cancer diagnosis either I prefer to tell people myself particularly when I hardly know them, it's my story to tell not someone else's.

Daisy53

1. It’s not her story to tell . I have a friend who told several people we both know .I would have told them anyway but that’s not the point .
   So sorry you had to go through this . 
   Perhaps take some time out from seeing her x

Hi Cloudier what a strange thing for them to say. Can you have a chat with this friend and ask her why she did that and explain how this left you feeling.  I dont think you re being odd at all but they definetely were and besides that it not their story to tell and its up to you who you tell and when and also how much. 

Hi Cloudier

What an uncomfortable situation for you. I’m sorry you experienced this. My guess, however, would be that your friend did this from a good place and without any malice. It could have been that your friend was conscious of what you have been through and so didn’t want the topic to be avoided and become an ‘elephant in the room’ but was then unfortunately clumsy in how it was blurted out. Cancer is a difficult topic for people both directly and indirectly affected. I hope you are able to talk to your friend about how it made you feel, cancer takes enough from us without it ruining our friendships. x 

Thank you for your reply, but whilst I agree that it was said without malice, there was no reason to raise it so boldly, in front of me. There was no elephant in the room because the two daughters had never met me and knew nothing about me. Both are aged around 60, my friend is 87. I’d popped round to give her a bag of cooking apples from my tree, not knowing the daughters were there. And then the announcement was made, almost as a form of introduction. The daughter’s silence, and ‘rabbit in the headlight’ look, was their only response. 
I wouldn’t have been surprised if she had told them after I left, people do mention things like that - and sometimes to avoid an awkward situation down the line. But this was not like that.

thank you for replying with a different perspective, though. 

Thank you. I have decided to take some time out. This is not the first time my friend has ‘taken the lead’, shall we say in situations. And not just with me.  I’ve noticed that she can be very matriarchal (also kind in some ways) but that she says what she thinks at that time, and can have an occasional superior tone, but somehow conveys this in a gentle way. More than once I have come away feeling 12 years old, and I have always put it to one side. But perhaps not this time. I will still be friendly of course, but just not in the same way, I think. 

Hi Cloudier I think your decision is what I would do. Having a cancer diagnosis certainly brings out the best and worst in people. I used to give people the benefit of the doubt and make excuses for their actions but no longer. I now challenge what I think is inappropriate. A work colleague once said that breast cancer had made her harder. Not having breast cancer myself at the time made me wonder what she meant - I know now.

I have a similar situation myself in that I was emailed by someone at work asking if I was ok. I found out later that the librarian (I work in a secondary school) had spread it around that I had breast cancer. I had not spoken to anyone at work about it apart from HR. I doubt very much it is them but I know the School Business Manager knows what's going on as she pays the sick pay etc and she is very friendly with someone who works with the librarian. Gossip gossip it's my news and I should be the one to tell others if and when I want. Some people have nothing better to do.

Sometimes friendships run their course. I would say surround yourself with (and it doesn't matter how few it is in number) those who uplift you in any way and distance yourself from those who negate you in any way.

Big hugs to you xx  

Hi Cloudier,

I think what your friend did was totally bang out of order, tactless doesn’t even cut it. Your illness and what you are going through, is you business and she had no right to do what she did. It would seem, that perhaps you need to take her to one side and have a quiet word, not in a hurtful way, but just to put her straight.

It’s strange, but when you are diagnosed with cancer, you suddenly realise who your real friends are for some reason, however, I’m sure you have loads of other friends. So maybe just put give her a wide berth for a while.

I wish you lads of luck with your recovery and pleas3 feel free to chat at anytime, remember, we’re all in this together.

Love and hugs.xxx