Friendships and Cancer Diagnosis

if it is any consolation, I find that the people who HAVE stayed in touch have been absolutely fantastic. X

Hi there, I'm sorry about your diagnosis and treatment,  all of us on here know how difficult it is getting through it. I can resonate with what you have said about support etc and I have felt let down on occasion too. However, some of the best, honest and truly heartfelt support I received was from someone who I have yet to meet in person. We met online on this forum and have had such similar journeys. I valued her support so much and still do Hedera xx

Keep your A Team tight. You don't need quantity,  you need quality xx

Wishing you all the best in your road to recovery xx

Totally understand and found the “friends” I had willingly had to give the most support to were the ones who disappeared.  I also had one who kept telling me I was the lucky one as she had got the flu and her gp had refused to come out to her and told her to take paracetamol.  I have though had a couple of really good pals and I’ll always be grateful, I have a loving and supportive family and lovely grandchildren who although they have no idea about my breast cancer (my choice, they didn’t need frightening) who are always popping in.  You soon learn don’t you.

I feel the same with some family and friends too. 
I was diagnosed in May and had lumpectomy. My lymph nodes were ok but score was 27 and they suggest for me to have chemotherapy but I don’t know whether to have it. So confused. 
I feel some people are sick of me talking about it or don’t know what to say. 

That's so true. I wonder how much I should say to people sometimes. I have a WhatsApp group now for my treatment and asked people if they wanted to be in it. At least then I don't have to speak to everyone all the time and send the same message to multiple people. The ones who have kept in touch since I posted the original message have been messaging me privately as well as in the group too. Some only message the group but that's ok too. At least they're keeping in touch. 

The forums here are brilliant for advice if you're finding it hard to decide what to do. I hope your treatment goes well. x

HelloTaw68

i get exactly where you are coming from!

Dealing with people has been the hardest thing for me throughout the whole nightmare process. 

I won’t go into details because,!trust me my reply would be longer than your original statement. 

I had a right Breast mastectomy December 23. A total of three lymph nodes found to be cancerous and I had a lymph node clearance in January 24.

I’m a very strong character, And I like to think that people haven’t contacted me at all since December is because they don’t know what to say or that I’ve got this and I don’t need any help. 

I write down positives of every negative situation and the positive I found from this was they’re not friends that I want in my life and I’m lucky to have seen their true colours. When I’ve contacted them, they’ve come out with the most insensitive things that have made me cry and then I’d feel foolish. I’m just putting in the whole friends and family issue to one side at the minute. It’s just too big for me to deal with at the moment.

At home there is just my husband and I. I work from home so I found that I’m just don’t go out. I don’t wanna bump into people that are gonna make me cry, or telephone anyone. 

I analyse everything and know that I am paranoid because I feel vulnerable and there’s a good chance that I could’ve missed a phone call or taken a comment wrong and if I react now I may lose someone I love, so I’m building myself up and I have told everyone that I will be back in touch when I’m physically and emotionally stronger.

My wishes have been respected and I’m not waiting for contact or misreading anything. As a result I am happier.

please just take a step back before you react and a solution may come about that helps.

Sending hugs. Hang in there and things do get clearer and improve x

Hi DelilahLonglegs.

Thank you for your reply and good wishes. I work from home mostly too and have tended to stay in or just go out with family and one or two loyal friends. I've recently done the same and just answer the friends who have kept in touch. And I discovered how to archive conversations.on WhatsApp so the friends I haven't heard from or message me with toxic positivity, I don't see their messages unless I open the archive.

 I started on the Sweet trial last Monday and I get the support of nurses and a detailed website to record how I'm feeling and track symptoms of the hormone treatment every day which is helping immensely. I was keeping a diary on my phone but now it's so long it takes ages to get to the last date  so this website is better. 

All the best for your recovery and afterwards. 

((Hugs)) to you too. 

Hi Tawe68,

Thank so much for your reply. I have no confidence at the moment and if nobody replied on here I would be crushed.

I only joined the group yesterday and I’m just finding my feet.

All the best and hugs to you too x