Do I have cancer or not?

I was diagnosed on my first routine mammogram at age 50 in January this year. I am not sure what stage I was but was told it was small- it started at 7mm and no lymph nodes involved then after surgery and sentinel biopsy it changed to 11mm with 1/5 nodes positive and classed as grade 2 (is that stage 2?) the lymph node put the fear of god into me but I was still deemed as needing radiation 15 days plus zoladex injections and Anastrazole. People’s reactions were a whole other project trying to process for example my mum also said on the day of surgery “ you don’t have cancer they took it out’ and like you also “well you don’t have cancer now you only had it for a few months” when I said I was having cancer fatigue! There were also friends who said “we must go out soon and I’ll give you a call” then never including one I considered a bestie! Do not feel like a fraud because even though considered lucky we still have a million appointments to attend, an operation etc and learn a whole new language of bloody scary words and procedures! I’ve just gone back to work today so I took nearly 6 months out and I felt I really needed it

It’s hard isn’t it? I know people are trying to help but sometimes it seems hard to validate what’s happening.  Two people have now said “but it’s gone now” as if I should be over it. I feel like saying “what about the meds for the next 5 years, and what about the radiotherapy and the risk of it coming back?”.  But that sounds like I’m being over dramatic.  But we know on here that we will get through it, but it’s not as easy as “it’s gone now”.  Thank you for responding. And take good care of yourself. X

Hi littlebea

Your comment has really resonated with me. I was diagnosed after my first mammogram too after turning 50. I had a mastectomy and reconstruction in January. 5 days of radiotherapy. On Zoladex injections and Letrozole (now been changed to Anastrozole) long term. My Mum told me I didn’t have cancer pretty much just after my operation. I had friends who checked in with me a lot initially and then that seemed to slip away. I am returning to work in just over a week after 6 months off. I really felt I needed it too. 
Take care

Jen. 

I considered myself lucky not having to have chemo as well but we now carry with us a lifelong will it come back? Will it come back because of the radiation etc

I found I had to “stagger” telling people too so I could then “stagger” the reactions lol

bevause I am the strong one in the family too I wasn’t actually able to tell them how scared I was and always will be as usually got responses of “oh you’ll be ok” or side effects etc won’t happen to you! Which just shuts you down really.

i have finally learned however that I am important to me if that makes sense as I always put others first I really had to prioritise myself and I recommend it!

the people who stepped up to support were the people I least expected but this was nice  

I thought myself lucky too, that it was caught early and I didn’t need Chemo. I sometimes think I underplayed the whole situation, people assumed because it was fully treatable that I was absolutely fine. I only admitted I was scared a couple of days before my operation and only to my husband. I am the organiser and the strong one. My husband and 3 kids stepped up but if I’m fed up I just tell them now. There are a couple of close friends that are great. I have told them that even though physically I look the same. I am not the same underneath and probably never will be but I am still me. 
I hope your return to work goes smoothly. 

That’s exactly how it feels for me! I’m considered the “strong” one.  Your words make perfect sense.  Take care and I wish you all the very best xx

I feel exactly the same. I was diagnosed the salivary gland cancer last week. I actually had the surgery 3 weeks ago to remove what was believed to be a benign tumour, but turned out to be malignant. Radiotherapy or other treatment hasn't been recommended for me at this stage as I'm fairly young for this type of cancer (30s), and so I'm left in this weird state of trying to get my head round the fact I have/had cancer, but that hopefully the surgery got it all. Obviously I'll be having regular scans for the next several years but they don't start for 6 months to let the scar tissue heal a bit. 

So I'm not sure where I stand for these next 6 months - do I have cancer? Or did I have cancer? Any opinions welcome, I'm finding it very difficult to know what to say to people.