I'm struggling again

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Sometimes I struggle at this time of year (27th is my birthday and the day my sister & I found out our mam's breast cancer had come back & spread through her body; 28th is the day she died) and this year I think it's compounded by the fact my housing situation is up in the air & one of my best friends is in New York.

Anyway, last night I absolutely bawled my eyes out, proper bawling snotty nose, and I shouted at my mam for letting us find out when we did & for leaving us. Then I felt guilty for shouting at my mam because it's not like she wanted to have cancer in the first place or for it to come back when it did & for us to find out when & how we did. I know why she didn't tell us when she found out in the January (she grew up on a farm & wasn't the sort for giving/receiving sympathy). It didn't make me feel any better though.

Anyway, if you've got this far, thank you. I just wanted to talk to people who have gone through this.