Partner support

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Hi. Not sure if anyone else has experienced this issue or whether I'm just being selfish. This is my second round of cancer having had stage 4 melanoma 4 years ago. My husband was my absolute rock at that time and he helped me get through some very bad times. I don't know if it's because he's 4 years older or whether it's the enormity of us having to go through this again but i feel hes really struggling. He has his own health issues and is really tired all the time but im sure hes also depressed too. He doesn't really speak to me about all this and i feel terrible saying thus but i dont have the energy to support him and look after myself. I'm just recovering from bilateral masectomy and about to start 5mths of fairly intense chemo. I just keep swinging between empathy for him and frustration/anger. Does anyone else recognise those feelings or am I just plain self centred?

Hevallan 13 days ago

Hello there, I’m so sorry to hear things are so difficult for you. I identify with your feelings. Communication with our other half changes when we get a cancer diagnosis, I can only imagine what it can be like for you both when it happens twice.

I found communication changed almost instantly with my partner once I was diagnosed. He had his own health issues too. I did not want special treatment but I realised that everything had changed and we were not equipped to deal with all the uncertainty.
It’s great that your husband coped and supported you through your first diagnosis. You are sensing he has his own health issues which is having an impact on how he is unable to support you at this crucial time. Have you thought about visiting your nearest Maggies Centre, they offer so much support and I think yous would benefit from talking to people who understand what you are going through.

I hope you can work your way through this difficult time and keep well during your treatment.

take care

h xx

Twice hit 13 days ago in reply to Hevallan

Thanks. I have thought about Maggies so may suggest we go there next week. Thanks for being understanding, it's such a challenging time. Hope you are OK too x

klf 12 days ago in reply to Twice hit

I went to maggies last week , after an oncologist appointment. It’s a wonderful place . Mine offers a male carers support group .

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