Telling the children

Hi there, I did struggle with idea of telling the children as well(19 and 11). In the end I decided to wait until I had a lot more information. I then told them separately (on the same day though) and gave them space to process the information. As I expected the younger asked lots of questions most of which I could answer and the older who is also autistic took more time to digest the info. She decided to turn to the internet for answers and I was able to direct her to reputable ones which she did. 

I also informed the school and asked the pastoral team to check in with the younger one and they continue to check in with her and update me. Thankfully there are no concerns. The 19 year old is in university and doing ok, I am grateful they are doing ok and they seem to be more helpful around the house which is positive.

In terms of telling people, I’ve kept the circle small and only key people know. They know I’m a very private person so I’m hoping they will respect my wishes not to tell the whole world 

thanks- did they tell theif friends? Not sure what to do really. With work we need to tell people there but dont want childrrn hearing second hand

In terms of work I told my supervisor, and close work mates that I have worked with for many years.

My kids have close friends whom they told and I didn’t give them any restrictions on whom to tell. I wanted them to feel they could seek support without restrictions. I told my kids and family first so they wouldn’t hear it from others. 

Thats the issue. I dont want to restrict them but need them not to share until Tuesday which is too long to ask of them. Telling them Sunday isnt a good idea as will they go straight to school Monday and be wobbly with their friends. One has a party this saturday and is sleeping at a friends house, so that isnt ideal a day after receiving devastating news. I cant go to christmas parties but dont look or sound ill. So we just want it out there so we dont have to lie. There's more too but very stressed about it all