Pretending it's not real

I did exactly the same. I didn’t tell anyone ( other than hubby) until just before surgery. Somehow it made me ‘ok’ . The tears came whenever I had to tell anyone. They came in droves when I received flowers! I remember blubbering ‘ I don’t want to be the one getting flowers’!!
It’s a scary journey but see it as a blip in life’s journey. You’ll get through it.

xxx

Thank you, I'm glad I'm not alone. I'm considering telling people outside my closed circle so I don't have to repeat my story time and time again, but I'm not sure what to say. I also don't like being the one receiving those messages. I can't wait for it to be a blip xx

Hi Popgardis, it is definitely the way I am coping with it. I had mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction in September after my diagnosis in June. But I just kept telling myself and others that it was just like any other surgery I have had. Chemotherapy makes it real though and yes, it is a scary thought. We don't know what the future holds for us but I believe by worrying if x, y or z will happen is wasting energy. For me, I have to try to take control of it and not let it take control of me. I have cut my hair short, bought wigs and signed myself up to lots of support and therapies, both in person and online. I do get emotional and cry when I need to when I look at it as a time to evaluate my life and really think about what I want and need rather than what others want and need - I work with SEN children so am used to giving myself rather than looking after myself. I have found support from Macmillan, Maggie's Centre (if there's one near you?), Look Good Feel Better and Little Lifts emotionally uplifting and generous. If you're in London or the home counties, there's a great charity called Future Dreams who also do online Yoga specifically for women with breast cancer.

Just be kind to yourself and look after you - physically, emotionally and mentally. It isn't often we get time for ourselves but this is it. xxx

i’ve told only a few people, and asked others not to tell but they do.

i reckon you sound pretty normal its not pretending its not happening because it is, we show up for appts and do what is needed. for me it was not dwelling on it. i couldn't live every day in the mire of it before the chemo. life has definitely been more mired during chemo but i see and end in sight.

yes we know its happening but we don't want it to be the main conversation of our lives.

i told people when it felt right and still haven't told others.

you do what you need to do hugs. and stay away from google.come here and ask when you are ready to ask

Hey - this is exactly where I am. Not reading leaflets or googling. I’ve had the nurse put on my notes I only want info regarding treatment and nothing about anything else. I’ve created a fragile little bubble to live in and I don’t want anyone bursting it! My picc line goes on next week. 
Don’t be upset about handling it this way. It sounds to me like the perfect way to handle it! Hang in there - we’re all in this together c

I'm the opposite, want to know everything about everything !!! Obsessed with reading stuff, talking to people, seeing the chemo unit, knowing where the incision will be. I don't even have a treatment plan yet, but trying to find some semblance of control by gaining information.

Just a different way of dealing with it I guess.

I agree - it’s all about coping mechanisms and there is no ‘right way’ . I’m gaining my control by researching food so I can improve the efficacy of treatment and mitigating  side effects for chemo - hopefully! 

I have just read that sucking on ice chips during infusion can help to mitigate sore mouth and ulcers. I’ll be trying that at my next session for sure.

I’m the same.  I had my diagnosis last month, due to have Picc on Thursday, first round of chemo on Friday.  I haven’t told anyone, only my husband, children and my boss. My thought process behind this is that if everyone treats me like normal then I have to be normal, no wallowing or self pity.  With no one else knowing I will simply have to just crack on and get on with it.

Perfectly put, BethS. I'm 18mths on from initial diagnosis &, at last, have come to terms with so much of what's been happening yet I can be chatting fine about it & out of nowhere...tada...tears again.

Read somewhere that tears contain some hormones which are released during times of fear & anxiety so it can be the body's way of flushing them out. So even when I think I'm fine & coping, there's clearly a big chunk that's still needing to flush! 

I also found that when I had rare moments that things felt normal, it would be horribly overwhelming when reality came rushing back. Like being told the results all over again. It was sort of better to not ever switch off from what was happening, if that makes weird sense.

But what I would say is that I honestly thought I would never be able to do what I've done or come to some sort of terms with it all, yet here I am typing this without blubbing.

Cope however you need to cope because the key is to cope, & you are. That & lots...LOTS of tissues.

Hugs to all you lovely ladies.

Xx