No quality of life

Okay, take deep breaths...it is totally normal to feel the way that you do with all that you have gone through.  Radiotherapy and hormone therapy is nothing compared to what you have already done.  Things will get easier and there are ways of coping with hormone therapy.  I hope you feel better soon. Sending love.

Hi Tabbycat,

You poor thing. Breast cancer is so cruel and the diagnosis and subsequent treatments are draining and certainly take away your self confidence and esteem.This does improve with time although it probably doesn't feel like it at the moment.

It may be beneficial for you to speak to your GP about your feelings or your breast care nurse. They can help you navigate your feelings and fears and perhaps organise some counselling which may be of benefit to you. It 's sometimes a relief to be able to speak to someone who isn't a close family member although I am quite sure your family don't consider you to be the burden you feel yourself to be.

My breast cancer journey is different to your own but I am taking hormone suppressing treatment which I was very frightened about  due to all the possible  side effects I had read about before I started it. ,I have, however, found them to be a lot easier than I had anticipated and I hope you will find this too. Reading other peoples experiences , although very helpful at times, can also cause more anxiety.

I am sure someone else who has a more similar treatment plan to yours will be able to reassure you more but you have done the right thing in joining the forum. Take care of yourself and know that you are among friends here and that you will be able to move forward with help and support.

Sending love and hugs.xxxxx

So sorry you're feeling down Tabbycat and I can empathise with the “non feeling of elation” as I also didn't get the joyful “it's over” when my surgery came back clear.  I can say though, 2 years on, the Zoledronic acid treatments are a minor inconvenience every 6 months when I have them and the daily oestrogen blockers give me very few side effects.  I am back to a full and normal life, working, traveling, even though I'm still on this treatment.

I wonder if you might find some extra support from the lovely people at Macmillan to be useful?  You can give the, a ring on 0800 800 0000 and just have a chat. Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone who's not so close to you.

I hope these feelings pass and the next phase of your treatment goes well, best wishes 

Oh Tabbycat, this made for very sad reading but DO NOT GIVE UP! I believe that most oeople on here felt despair at times and I too felt nothing when I was told “your cancer is unlikely to return”. I’m Stage 3 so didn’t feel elated. But a yr has passed after being mutilated, poisoned and burnt (!) and now I don’t even think about it! Time will go quickly and hopefully in due course these feelings will pass. I really wish you well xxx

Oh sweetheart.  You have been very honest about your feelings - it’s good that you can be and that you can recognise and express your fears. 

our feelings change as we progress through episodes - you won’t always feel this way. You will not necessarily feel ill all the time and there are lots of options yet to be explored regarding side effects and emotional support.

I would urge you to open up, in the way you have here, to a professional who can help you, as suggested by others. Even just a little help can make things feel so different.
You have had a horrible panic attack today so will feel overwhelmed and exhausted while all that adrenaline is working out of your body and leaving its effect. 

Sending hugs x

Think of this has a marathon and you are doing well you are not a burden and although you are tearful so you should be you have been through a lot.  take every step of this treatment plan one step at a time Read the side effects but don’t dwell on them to much , there are so many side effects to every tablet we take even paracetamol . You only read the bad points of all these treatments, most people have hardly any issues and if you do drugs can be changed and dosage adjusted.

 I find walking and yoga helps me also calm and mindful apps.  

also perhaps it would be a good idea to talk to your GP or oncologist team.

take care we are all here to help xxx

Hi Tabbycat , lovely answers already from the fine folk here, just wanted to pop in too with a big hug. I’m much older than you and had less treatment but your comment about not feeling elated totally struck a chord with me. After my radiotherapy finished a friend wanted to arrange a girls night out to celebrate, she meant well but it was the last thing I wanted! I said tactfully that I just wanted to get on with my life but really I felt like saying I just wanted to crawl into a hole! Yes of course there was a sense of relief that my ‘active’ treatment was done but I knew I had years of hormone therapy ahead. And I’d feel more celebratory if I’d never got cancer! Also, for me, even though getting cancer was sort of expected as both my parents died relatively young from it, it was still a massive shock when it did happen. And that shock, for me, wasn’t immediate as I went into coping mechanisms and trying to present a calm face to my kids, husband and wider family and friends. Whilst inwardly screaming. 
So, going forward, I hope you can acknowledge the enormity of what’s happened but find a ‘new normal’ which is acceptable to you. The drugs all come with potential side effects but lots of people don’t have them, we just don’t see them posting here so much, I think. Please do reach out to the Macmillan helpline, sometimes it’s much easier to talk to someone outside of your situation. 
There’s an article I come back to from time to time, I’ll hopefully post a link, worth a read…. 
Sending love and a big virtual hug, HFxx

www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/.../After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

• I was going to say same thing about calling Macmillan. There is also a buddying service you could potentially use 

Thank you all so much for your kind words and wonderful support. I had a truly awful few days where everything felt too much. I feel a little better today and less tearful. 

Part of me is scared everyone expects me to be 'better' now. And it's scary to soon be stepping off the active treatment conveyor belt. It kind of feels like I put everything into getting through the worst bits (chemo, surgery) and now I'm falling apart worrying! 

You're all amazing and I'm so thankful you've been here for me x

2 years on is hopeful for me. I've taken a break from the 6 monthly zoledronic infusions as i'm due to have a tooth out. but i'm struggling with the Verzenios down to 100mg, and hope to drop to 50mg. As i need to be near toilets wherever i am, which isn't always convenient. and then there is the daily belly ache.

I'm taking my own Calcium Magnesium and D3 as there prescription contains flavours of which i'm allergic to and my D3 ie is much higher. Also Calcium really need combining with magnesium 2:1.

i manged to slot in 3 miles walking a week, litter picking. and some time on my allotment which fortunately is close to home. But i get down days, especially also caring for my partenr with his own cancer now 3 years down the line.

I'm new to this forum and find it easier already tonavigate that the breastcareforum. So thank you to everyone.