Tired of being strong

Once you come out the ‘other side’ all that is forgotten (at least it has by me now). No one asks how am I anymore (meaning re C and the treatments) just the bog standard cliche that we all use.  I finished ‘everything’ in November last and now just plough on.  There will come a time when you can ‘forget’ and move forward. I really wish you well.  Can you join a group locally, it really helps to talk to others xx

Hi JRBreastCa,

 I can totally sympathise. Of course you have to be strong for yourself and for the people around you BUT it is equally important to address that at times you feel that you are not coping. It is absolutely OK not to feel ok and let people know about this too. When you feel this way you are very vulnerable and knowing this will help you and other people that you need looking after in many different ways.
It can be giving yourself some time to be kind to yourself by just doing nothing, ’relaxing’ or giving yourself time to heal, free your mind and do things you want to enjoy or try something new. 

Enjoy the good days and during the bad days when you won’t have the energy to do anything, so be it. Don’t beat yourself if you can’t do things. You know that these could have been attended to in ‘normal circumstances’ however your ‘normal’ has now changed. These will be done sometime. You can ask whether someone else can do these for you. 
Reach out and talk to people. Well done for joining this online community because many people here are on a journey similar to yours. Wishing you all the best and take care. Hugs.

Thank you 

Thank you

But you  are managing this and fighting, totally get the mob saying all the same things when deep inside you are being held back from shouting:......... ,Coping.......Coping are you having a laugh i have no choice to cope and be strong and a fighter. But this is what we have all heard and when relative and friends leave and you close the door behind them all you can do is shake your head and breathe. Kind regards 

Hi JRBreastCa , lovely messages already from the great folk here. Just wanted to add another warm welcome to this community, it’s been and is still a huge support to me. I’m still rattling round it nearly 5 years post diagnosis and many here are even further down the line. You can say pretty much anything here , there’s no need to pretend that you’re fine when you’re not. But it’s also important (for me) to talk to people in person who’ve had similar experiences. I didn’t manage to do that till over a year after my ‘active’ treatment finished (I’m still on hormone blockers), when I went to my nearest Maggie’s centre, an hour’s drive away. I walked in the door and tried to say why I was there (to ask about counselling) but immediately burst into tears. The lovely nurse just ushered me in saying ‘don’t apologise you don’t have to pretend here’. I didn’t get counselling there in the end but did have 6 weeks of ear acupuncture to help with hot flushes from the hormone blockers. It definitely helped but, more importantly, I met other folk with similar experiences. It was such a relief to just ‘let it all out’ to people who understood. I still meet up with 2 of them 4 years later. I also do a weekly ‘Cancexercise’ class for people who’ve had cancer and really value the half hour social session over a coffee after the class. 
As for friends, I’ve got a treasured few who do seem to get it so I meet them more than the ones who just don’t. Difficult with family, I’m afraid I’m guilty of playing things down as didn’t want to worry them, particularly my kids as both were abroad when I had my main treatments. 
Sorry for long ramble, I hope you find the forum a supportive place, do keep posting, asking questions, just having a rant and rave if that’s what helps! And I’d really recommend finding a Maggie’s centre or similar, if possible, to meet up with others face to face who have been through similar stuff. 
Sending love and a big virtual hug, HFxx

I think it’s good for us to let emotions out - both the positive and negative ones. I find others become less aware of C and the ongoing mental, physical and emotional strain we can feel. From being quite traditional, I have explored various therapies as outlets. I found counselling unhelpful - talk therapy made the issue bigger for me, though for others it’s brilliant. I found EFT and EAM useful. I am thinking about trying PSYCH-K. All seemed a bit strange at first but actually have been v helpful for me. And then finding happy outlets - for me gardening, walks, running. And doing a bit of yoga and meditation (I use the Stella app). Some of the sessions are only 10 mins which o can almost always find time for. Somehow all that helps me muddle on through. It’s not an easy ride, and I hope you can find a way that works for you x

I go to a cancer group called twice a week..everyone there has different cancers and it’s only by conversing that you realise how some have struggled as their treatment has impacted much more on their physical well-being. One girl I chat with has mouth cancer, the other anal (not bowel) so you can imagine how awful their RT and examinations have been! This has humbled me immensely. Sorry, this is not aimed at detracting from how're you're feeling/doing just putting into perspective what a rubbish time we all go through xxx

anyone have advice how to calm the agitation? i find i’m hypersensitive to smells, sounds and input, i think i have always been a bit, but i feel on edge a lot. just wired, tried breathing, all smells bad. 

also with the white cell injections i would be interested in experience, i have 5 today os day 5 and tbh quite fed up with it, its not that its hardm its just another thing.

I think it’s the steroids that make you feel so wired. - you could ask your team to lower the dose a bit. I also found some wim hof breathing on YouTube - a welcome distraction and was calming. Again something I’ve never tried before. Also Macmillan and other charities offer free treatments to cancer patients. Whilst you might not be ok to have a body massage, you could have a head massage, reiki or one of the other treatments. They induce a lovely calm feeling in your body. Xx