Terrified

What a little sh!t!  I'm sure there was another lady or two who went through similar experience.  I'll tag what I think is one - hope I'm remembering rightly Charlieandlola 

This is indeed a very testing time for you.  A massive diagnosis like cancer displaces all thought and feeling and is a hard one to bear.  This is absolutely when you need as much support from family/friends as possible. Sadly, unless you’ve experienced this life changing situation it’s hard for others to understand. I would suggest you sit down quietly together and talk about the future and how to move forward. It sounds as tho the marriage, if I may say, was not a steady one initially and there’s no way he can comfort you through this. You need guidance and counselling. Try to look for positives….there’s another lady  on here (look in search bar for Horrible Husband). Lots of advice has been given to her. Do NOT give up! We’re here for you albeit only in written words…I really do wish you well. Keep in touch xxxx

If it's jointly your house and his then it needs to be sold ASAP to stop him benefiting from his nasty behaviour.  You are better away from him,  but not to his wishes and benefit. It sounds like he expected you to serve him in his retirement!

Do you have friends or family nearby to support you? Could one of them look after the dog during chemo, and through this heartbreaking time? Xxx

What goes round comes round and has my gran used to say every dog has its day, but this doesn’t help you now, the hardest part of reading this to me is the thought of leaving my dog, but you got to be strong now and let me tell you this at the end of all this you are going to be a better and stronger person than your husband, sadly my husband passed away 10 years ago but l did meet another man and moved in with him , he was so nice what l thought but  what a horrible ,selfish man he was , thankfully I was financial fine l got a house , he went away on his own on holidays  because he would not wait a extra day to take me, so while he was away I packed my belongings and left when he came home l had gone, it was hard  and it took me a good 2 years to get over him, but l am so grateful that l did whatI did because l would never have wanted to be living with that selfish man now we still keep in touch and I do not hold no malice that’s the person he is , a narcissist l called him and he definitely is. 

l know this is going to be hard for you , have you got any support or good friends you can talk to, you do need to sit down with him and decide which way forward you can go, perhaps have a talk with your own GP and they can get McMillan or some sort of counsellor to help you get financial help for yourself there is financial help out there , the problem is do you really want to leave your husband or perhaps there is away forward but you do need outside support from a counsellor or someone ,  Please do not burden this worry , because it’s not going to help with your treatment going forward, if you think this marriage is over, get help , look at this has a new start , be strong show him that you don’t need him l think that’s the only thing you can do but please, please seek some sort of help and advise.

xxx

Thanks for the support. I have lovely caring friends and somewhere to go. I just need to pick the time.

pits just a lot on top of the cancer.

It’s me who’s got the horrible husband 

can you ask him to leave? if it is he who is unhappy in your home, he should go. then when you are done chemo you will put it on the market and when it sells he can have a cut.

but until then if his car is so dear to him, he can live in it!

i am so sorry you have to go through such a horrible time with such a selfish sounding being 

I’ve also gone through this. My post is the second one down on the ‘horrible husband’ thread, although we weren’t married (thank goodness). There was no care, empathy, sympathy. I was a nuisance. I had chemo first and he was dreadful. I’m not going to bore everyone, but it was mental cruelty. For example, I shaved my hair off in advance and he found this both amusing and fascinating in a circus attraction kind of way. I can’t believe that I’m writing this, that I let someone like that into my life, but it did happen. 
I agree with what others have said. If you can get someone to help with your dog, then that would be good. However, I bought a pack of 100 disposable gloves to do that sort of thing, and nothing got on my skin. I used disposable plates and dishes too so no cleaning of them either. 
Stick with us, we are a kind, supportive forum. This won’t last forever. Xx

Thank you 

I am so, so sorry you are going through all this - I agree take this as a new start.  You don't want and certainly need a husband like this!! How dare he, wowwww - we can see this from this side - however, when you love someone you really don't see it - but what an ..... not a 'little' sh!% - he's a massive sh!%

I agree 'why should you move out' - you think about this and YOU decide ....

whatever you decide..... You take your dog with you!! Don't worry about walks!! Little strolls or plays are enough at this time, your dog will be happier to be with you than to have a walk - don't be forced into anything that you are not happy with ...... we are all behind you and will support you all the way!!

Believe me - you won't always feel like this, I have a friend going through 'very similar' situation - only a few months ahead of you (she is nearly at the end of her chemo - her husband had an affair and she got the strength to throw him out just before treatment).

Give what is happening and your treatments the power to get you through this - as you will get through this - better and stronger and without a selfish sh!% dragging you down.  

Your life begins now!!!!!!!! You might not think it or feel it - you just wait when you look at this post in 12 months time (less even).

Read Cloudier's comment - she has gone thought this - you really will gain strength of these lovely ladies ....

arrrrrgh 'use your car' to keep his milage down - seems he is very money motived and if this is the case you need to look at contacting your bank and having any accounts looked into and if a joint account tell bank you 'both' need to approve any withdrawals.

one final thing - don't turn into a 'you have it, I'm not bothered' - don't you dare let him get away with anything - you have it or half of it - as once you have finished on this rollercoaster ride you will be raring to go.

Sending tight hugs and love xxx