So my dear friends, as I approach my 5 year anniversary….I’m getting paranoid! I think I’m having more headaches….well I get one now and again….but I’m not a headachy person….then it goes and I forget for awhile. And then I check my scar…..was that little, really tiny lump there before….or not! Every ache, every pain…..it’s like I’m transported back to my diagnosis and the not knowing if it had spread or not! Then I had a cough and felt nauseous!
I am well, and yes it’s nearly 5 years since the whole process began. Some call it a journey, I do not….for me a journey is an adventure and normally involves sun!
I feel like I’m counting the days to year 5….but still know the dates don’t really matter for me….high risk stays high risk. Do others find it important to acknowledge anniversaries? I bizarrely want to….but I find I’m alone, my hubbie shows no interest…it hurts a bit and I am not even sure why I mean it doesn’t really achieve anything. Then a huge piece of me wants to sit alone….and just remember the crap time - maybe with a large glass of really good red wine!
As always when I face these predicaments I ask you guys….I feel lucky to have a space to share how I feel…
Feeling a bit lost, and a wee bit lonely…
