Dating after cancer.

Awww, bless you! I think it’s all based on how you feel in yourself, whether shy or confident, want company or not? Only you can really and truly decide. Whatever, my very best wishes go with you! 

for myself, I’m 77, lost hubs just over a year ago from kidney cancer, I’m now 5 years post bc and am missing hubs like crazy but am ‘mostly’ content in my own skin (and home) and don’t think I could face all the upheaval. 

Hugs xxx

You sound courageous to be thinking about taking a leap and I wish you well as you test the water.  I think about this too.  I had a divorce and family bereavement in the 2 years before diagnosis, all my cancer stuff took place during lockdowns, am now 2 years on and thinking I should get myself out of the door.  But like Moomy, I am an older lady and for that and other health reasons felt it inadvisable to have reconstruction with a longer recovery time and possible future complications, and it didn't affect anyone else so I only had my own feelings to contend with.  Most people don't know so I can confidently mix with people generally and that's been fine.  Now I wonder, firstly whether someone who had no previous investment in me would feel able to cope with my having had cancer, and secondly how they would receive my physical appearance.  Still pondering.  Good luck with your decisions!

Hi Mrs J mum 

It's interesting how we always think about our appearance when considering dating and all I have ever found is that it doesn't matter in the slightest!  I was 17 when I had a major road accident and my right leg was de-gloved to the bone.  It doesn't now even really look like a leg with the scarring and muscle grafted from my calf to the shin, skin grafts, scar tissue etc.  I also have visible metal plates in my right arm together with a huge scar running from my elbow to wrist.  I was diagnosed with BC (80mm - lumpectomy with a large dent.) 5+ years ago at aged 51 and my OH of 8 years joked that there's now not much of my body covered in scars

From the age of 17 onwards, I never had any problems getting boyfriends, got married at 25 and although we divorced, not one partner has ever made me feel 'ugly' because of my scars /differences.  I joked once, to one partner who I was with for 10 years that it was lucky he wasn't a 'leg man' and his reply was "how shallow do you think men are?" as he didn't realise I was joking! (we split up because he was lazy - he got made redundant and couldn't be bothered to find another job for over a year and I got fed up of carrying him).

So, don't think of yourself as 'dating after cancer' just think about dating if you feel you are ready.

Kindest wishes, Lesley

Some great advice being given. Build a relationship and see where it goes. If they can't handle to situation then they're not for you but gently does it for your own self esteem xx

I admire your courage and openness to consider dating after your journey with cancer. It's entirely possible to find companionship and even a fulfilling relationship post-surgery. The most important thing is to take your time, prioritize your well-being, and find someone who appreciates you for who you are. It's all about finding the right timing and the right person who understands and supports your journey.