Looking like me again

Hello,  sorry you are feeling down.  It’s perfectly normal to feel bad.  Cancer is a journey and we all react in different ways.  The treatment can do awful things to our bodies and our minds.  I’m just recovering from bilateral surgery and the last few days have been pretty tough.  This is my third surgery.  I lost all of my hair it’s grown back curly, grey and I’m still trying to cope with it but I do get compliments and that helps.  Only you can see what’s looking back in the mirror (same here) but with clothes on we look just the same to the outside world.  I’ve had a hardened implant replaced after damage caused by radiotherapy and an uplift to try to make a matching pair (which of course they won’t be).  All I want now is to get past the next 12 weeks of recovery.  My cancer took all of 2021 with treatment and because of lockdown I haven’t been out much either.  I hope my words help in some way.  Don’t forget you can drop into Maggies centres or get help, and counselling via Macmillan, your GP or your team.  I went on a “Look Good Feel Better” session - I recommend it if you can.  Everyone there was was in the same boat.  Very best wishes J xx

Oh I feel for you. Similar stage to you though I have finished radio and finally went out last night with my proper prosthesis finally on again after recovering from the burns. Make up. New grey growth a little scrunched (not much else can be done).  Feeling good but today I was sent the pictures and I see this total stranger. A plump smiling stranger and someone I’d like to be friends with but nevertheless a total stranger.  A few weeks ago I went back to my slimming group and adhered to the plans one hundred percent and lost a measly pound where I’d normally have lost at least two - guessing a medical menopause and tamoxifen are going to make it tougher. I know we are all supercritical of our own looks but I’m also sure in the photo that my prosthesis is obvious….you are certainly not alone.  I’m trying to think positively - Look Good, Feel Better are really helpful - the one on styling with confidence talks about colours which suit you (these can change with hair going grey/white) and body shape.  I need to have a revisit of this.  One positive I can think of is that during chemo I did not care at all what I looked like - now I do - it’s recovery but like some of the physical bits that hit us it can be unexpectedly “painful” and hard to work through.  Another thing that has helped is to focus on a body part I can pamper - I walk a lot so seeing a podiatrist and then following through with some really good foot cream makes me feel I’m taking care of at least one part of my lumpy body really well…. I’ve signed up for a menopause yoga class at our local library and the challenge to me before then is to get a mastectomy sports bra sorted and get my body out there doing something positive.  I’m feeling really self conscious about it but like doing the physio and getting back to daily activities it’s just another unexpectedly hard bit of the path that hits you slap bang in the face when everyone else thinks it’s all done.  You are not alone. The struggle is real. 

I totally understand your situation; it’s now when the treatment is largely over we can see “what we’re left with”. Your feelings are absolutely valid and we need to have a happy, or at least, content quality of life. This period will pass, your hair will return to normal, I’m 9 months past my last chemo and my hair is now a reasonable short length that is style-able. Also, I put an ammonia free colour on my hair pretty much as soon as it started to grow back and that helped me enormously. Again, the chemo steroids made me gain a whole load of weight, but that is starting to come off now, without too much effort from me. I was conscious about my fake boob not matching up, but after a load of faffing, I found the perfect bra and prosthetic. I feel like I’m coming out the other end and am feeling more positive than I did a few months ago. It’s so gradual, I’d say about 12 months, but you’ll get there, make yourself a work in progress, be selfish! Be kind to yourself; I wish you all the best best, keep us posted xx

Sharon,

it’s really difficult sometimes isn’t it.  Cry all you like - if it helps.

my hair went but has grown back white, it was a mucky grey before and curly - hate the curly bit so have been to the hairdresser twice now and have it cropped - it’s thick so it can take it. The weird thing is I love it - my husband showed me pix pre chemo and op and he thinks it should stay this length!

i hope once you have had your radiotherapy you can start to feel more like you.

Like labradorlover I went out last night with friends- wearing my prosthetic and some make up and perfume and thought yes I am getting there. 

it won’t be long now - hang on in there -just think how much along the fight you are and be proud. None of us will be the same again but a battered, lumpy version of the lovely people we are.

Love and luck heading your way. x

Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I might give counselling a try. I had a couple of sessions through a local cancer support service but I didn’t find it helpful, but maybe now at a diferent stage of my journey it might be more helpful. I’ll also have a look at a look good feel better session. Best wishes for the rest of your journey xx

Thank you️ I’m hoping that after radiotherapy I might feel better. I’ve not managed to go out with friends yet, I’ve just not got the confidence but hopefullY soon. Thank you again for sharing your experiences with me x

Thank you Mazz️ I’m only 3 months post chemo so hopefully each day I’ll feel a little bit better. I appreciate you sharing your experience with me x

Thank you LabradorLover️ I do feel so alone in this a lot of the time, so your message and the messages from the other ladies does really help reduce those feelings of isolation. Good luck with the Yoga. Hope you enjoy it and it helps x

Hello again,  if you can get to a Maggies centre they have all sorts of things going on.  Relaxation yoga counselling and the Look good feel better.  You come home with a whole box of goodies donated by various companies.  When you walk in you always get greeted they are well prepared for people who might cry or feel upset.  I wish you well … Hugs J xx