Feeling low

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but a cancer diagnosis will have come as a shock to your husband too; he needs time to process what's happened as well.

Best wishes 

My husband took a step back after my January diagnosis and I found out he cried to a neighbour! He’s just NOT that sort of person! I also feel ‘hacked off’ when family or friends don’t contact me for ages! I got loads of ‘get well soon’ cards at the beginning but some of those people seem to have drifted away. I guess because we think about our situation ALOT we forget, they don’t! Grit your teeth, don’t push or expect too much from him. I talk less and less about my aches/pains/treatment that we often forget it exists at all! With you all the way xxxx

Hi There I don’t think you are being unreasonable  I just think men find illness and cancer very difficult. I am not married but have a long time male friend and I feel really let down as he cannot even address it, it’s like it does not exist. Going through this has changed my life snd now more than ever I want to be told I look nice and attractive. Men somehow really seem pretty numb to the emotional needs at such a difficult time. 

I am sure without a doubt there are hundreds on here feeling much the same, it doesn’t make it any easier but it may give you comfort to know you are not alone. 

xxxx keep strong xxxx

The ONLY people who really understand are those who have/are experiencing it! Only they know the pain, discomfort, fear, numerous appointments, always waiting for results, etc. that we have to put up with xxx

Yes so true its only ppl its happening to that knows how it feels , I mean when the jn laws ask how I am he just says yes she's OK I'm like how do u knw im OK cos I look OK,  but inside I'm torn up d scared bout it all , I knw im cancer free but I still need to have more treatment as after my chemo was finished there was 10% remaining so now they want to give me more sessions of Trastuzumab emnsine  for another 8 sessions so another 6 months plus radiotherapy,  I also think.chemo has put me in to early menopause so I'm getting g it from all directions but my hubby thinks I'm OK,  I'm rea for telling him to go as I feel I'm getting no support at all It feels I'm goin through it alone anyway

I hope you can find a group or meet someone who’s in the same boat as you. Our family can never really understand and of course it’s not their fault xxx I wish you well

Hey hi. It is so hard when we just need to be held and to feel cared for and safe without having to ask for it. You're right that hormonal changes affect affection and intimacy and peri menopause will lower libido ket alone dealing with horrible illness. There's some good info out there, I've found Dr Newson menopause specialist has interesting stuff especially around relationships. I'm very new to it all so hunting anything and everything that might help me!

I concur with everyone’s comments on here, men just don’t generally know how to deal with this sort of thing. My partner is also quite distant like I’m a China doll that’ll break if he touches me! We all still need affection and normality in our lives. I hope you get plenty of love and affection from your boys! 
id talk to him about how you feel, I know it’s not always easy but let him know that keeping his distance isn’t helping you and you need to know he still loves you! You might be surprised! 
good luck and remember whatever you feel is never wrong or unreasonable! X

1. Could you try just saying “I really need a hug”?  I think men sometimes need a very clear steer especially when how we feel/what we can do varies so much from day to day.  I have to say things like I need to sit down for 15 minutes right now” when we’re on a walk rather than “I”m tired”. Or “I feel really sick if I smell food - please sort yourselves tonight and just let me grab what I can manage  than “Would you mind getting supper”.  “I can manage this but you are going too fast for me - either slow down or leave me to catch up” when we’re out walking.  It is helping us as a couple and family -  I’d normally be so polite and put my needs behind everyone else and fit in, but I just can’t do that anymore.  I’ve also started asking that Saturday morning is “date” time as it’s a good time for me physically and mentally - it’s just a coffee out or a walk somewhere different with a flask - and a proper chat - we are much happier with that than with me struggling to stay awake in the evening.  Try to keep communicating….

LabradorLover, that is spot on! Really helpful xx