The journey feels different as time goes on

Hi, yep …. I feel it too. I had 5 months of chemo, mastectomy, axillary clearance and 3 weeks of radiation. Now on Anastrazole and bisphosphonate. I think about it at some point every day. One year after radiotherapy I’m not as mentally bad as I was, but I’m still bad. The worry is terrible. I’ve been told that it does get better with time, but that you never stop thinking about it. I’ve just started to read Deborah James new book - How to Live When You Could Be Dead’. I’m hoping to get some positivity from it. X

Hi

I'm not coping well at all. I've had two small lumps removed five weeks ago, and lymph nodes removed as cancer cells had been found in a biopsy. Operation has been a success, my recovery has gone well. They removed 24 nodes and 'multiple' were positive.

I start chemo soon, but have to have a CT scan to establish if it's spread. I'm constantly trying to keep positive but the dark thoughts I'm having are unbearable. The oncologist didn't fill me with any hope and this has been constantly on my mind since seeing him last Thursday. 

I'm not sleeping well, suffering with extreme anxiety which is impacting on my eating, which then worries me because I'm trying to keep healthy.

I've lots of support, speak to Macmillan, have accessed help via a local support group, but nothing is helping me get through this time at the moment.

I'm terrified it's gone elsewhere as I'd been told if that was the case there's not much else that can be done.ive decided to stop reading the information leaflets at the moment, they're freaking me out, terrified of chemo, and ultimately terrified I'll not get through this.

I feel so rubbish at the moment but trying so hard to not drag myself down. I'd never wish this on anyone.

Hi,

I am so sorry to hear about this, it really is the worst possible feeling and trauma to go through, the same happened to me with my diagnosis and the wait to hear about your scans and grades are absolutely unbearable. All i can say is hopefully soon youll be able to put your mind to rest with some positive news and you'll have a plan of action which will set you up to crack on and smash whats ahead of you. Its a scary place to be but you're not alone. X

Thank you so much. I'm trying to keep hopeful, but frightened to, as I don't want my hopes to be quashed. I've never been so scared in my entire life. I seem to be heightened to every feeling in my body and have convinced myself it's spread everywhere. I even convinced myself my face looked yellow the other night (it wasn't), it's all just so horrible and unbearable. 

Thank you for taking some of your time to comment, it's really very much appreciated xx