BC

No need to apologise . It is very frightening. But it’s also a tick box exercise that they have to do. I had a CT scan. On this they found two lesions made up of blood cells (like a birthmark) on my spine which were not tumours. They knew they weren’t, as 1:10 people over the age of 55 have them apparently. But they had to go through the regulation tests, so I had an MRI and a full bone scan too. The whole thing took about 8 weeks! Very stressful, even though they were sure of what they had seen, and kept trying to reassure me. It is horrid. I wanted to someone to bash me over the head with a paving slab, and then wake me up when it was all over. I’m afraid that I can’t offer you more, except to say that it’s healthy to write on here when you feel overwhelmed. It can be a release. Xx

Thank you Cloudier, and yes I remember from my previous diagnosis, they found a lesion, very frightening.

I feel more scared this time, and I just wish they could do all the tests in one day so you don't have to go through this, it feels so cruel.

And people keep asking me if im ok and I say yes just as a reaction when in the context I'm not ok I want to just lock myself away until its all over

That’s a normal reaction. I was the same. I think that many people find it hard to deal with the uncertainty and being out of control. I was so bad, that I asked if I could pay for my CT scan privately, to speed it up. I was told that it wouldn’t be any quicker as they had to wait a minimum time to allow for some healing post surgery. To be fair to them, I had my scan on the first day of this minimum time. They did, and still do care. 
it is very hard, and if someone had a magic formula to deal with this, I’m sure they would be a multi millionaire overnight. 

Yes the have been very good, and they are trying to get everything done as quick as possible im just at my wits end, I'm just living breathing cancer atm x

These tests are necessary to make sure we get the right treatment but the wait in-between is terrifying. After weeks of many tests I really felt like I would never reach the point of receiving treatment (finally op tomorrow), also thought of paying for a scan but I too found it wouldn't have been any quicker. I go for a walk when I can which always seems to calm me down, maybe just tires me out!!

Keep ranting if it helps & as someone told me it's ok not to be ok sometimes. 

Hugs x

Thanks Togger

Good luck for your op x

I too love to be out and it does help

Sending you my best wishes

Stay strong  xxx