Advise on telling my children

Hi Mrs_R I’m sorry that I can’t share my experience about telling children as I don’t have any but I was Grade 3 on the 30th June 2921 and I am now cancer free and having preventative treatment. I had chemo, then surgery (left mastectomy) then radiotherapy abd now a year of herceptin. I lost my hair, it’s now back, short pixie cut and I am getting better every day. You sound lovely and have a great attitude, you will beat this and I cannot stress enough how being positive helps, it really did help me. My Drs said from the start, let us deal with the disease and you look after you. If your children are like you they will e positive too and will look after you and help you through it. Just take it a day at a time, and I think be honest and open about what’s going to happen. You will have good data and done bad ones and I am sure your wonderful family will help to get you through this difficult time. You won’t ruin their childhood they will see their mother a strong woman, showing them how to deal with the worst that life throws at you and coming out the other side. Look after yourself and we are all here for you xxx 

I know every child is different but I have a 12 year old girl and I’m divorced. I told her the truth but omitted details around grades and stages. I found that has worked because she felt secure that I was telling her the truth and that she’d be the first to know anything that happened. When I had chemo I couldn’t have hid how I felt and lost my hair of course so they’re involved anyhow. People can say well meant but thoughtless things so being straight up with her helped her to feel a bit more secure. I’m post chemo and surgery and back at work with some ongoing treatment and she’s coped very well. There’s been some emotions once I started to get better that bubbled up but we’re dealing with that well too. I also made sure that we did do things to have fun still and tried to sort of say, we’ll get through this together and one step at a time and soon it’ll be behind us as hard as it may be. And now it is behind us, it’s been a long year but a short one too. We’re extremely close and our relationship is very strong now because of the shared experience. Best of luck xx

Thank you so much I appreciate your honesty. Yes I think I’m going to approach in the same way. I will be honest but kind of on a need to know basis. 

Going to bring it up at lunch in a chilled way…I’ve been to the hospital because I found a lump. For me to get better I’ll be poorly for a while first and probably lose my hair and then I’m hoping they will ask about if it’s cancer and we will go from there…..
I’ve been told I’m likely to lose my hair so will brace them both for this and will include them in process of having a cut and make it a fun thing although I’m sure I’ll be crying inside. 
i have a small stone which is about the same size as the cancer I have as, it seems so small so thought this may help them to visualise it and hopefully curb the curiosity/fear. 

YES WOW I’m so glad you’re on the way up again and feeling better each day! This is exactly the same kind of info I have been given and to be honest everything since Thursday has been a whirlwind (shit storm) 

The nurse I saw said I’m going to have 7-8 months of being poorly really and you know what I can totally take that if it means I get to live. 
i heard cancer and my first thought was am I going to die! 
me and my husband went to our special place on a walk and have taken pictures of us both together and said we will go back next year and hopefully it’ll be behind us then  

thank you so much for sharing your story xxx

I think that sounds like a good place to start. Give the information and then answer the questions then move into a normal day. More questions will come as they digest. My daughter coped well with my hair falling out oddly but got cross if people stared and they do occasionally. She struggled a bit more with other peoples reactions to me being ill, again things people do to be kind, flowers for example. We were getting hayfever!! We started calling them death flowers and it all became a joke albeit a black one but then that’s us. Oddly I can look back now and in some of the dark moments we still had a laugh about things and it made us appreciate what we personally found important, let’s see how long that bubble lasts. But it’s a silver lining and   with the things we all face we have to grab them. Good luck x

Hi Mrs R.   I too was diagnosed with grade 3 breast cancer in January.  It came as the biggest shock like it did with you.  My son is in his last year at Uni having had to repeat the last 2 years because of Covid and other issues.  I didn't feel it was best to tell him because I didn't want anything else to hold him back getting his degree.  I put it off until May when I was told I would have to have chemo as I couldn't hide it with this treatment.  He handled it well and is very supportive.  However it is difficult when your children are much younger.  Macmillan are truly wonderful.  They have lots of booklets on everything and in particular telling family and friends. I also went into the information centre at Christie's at the hospital and picked up a lot if info. I only have my local Macmillan number but if you Google the main number which is an 0800 number they will be able to help.  Good luck with everything.