Cancer and a marriage break up

oh Star I am so sorry, I don't know what to say really, but I just wanted to acknowledge your post and let you know that there are many people here in the Group who will try to offer what help and support we can.  I hope you have friends and family that you can lean on, but I can't imagine how difficult this is for you right now.  Sending you strength 

Thank you.  I need to find this extra strength now. So hard 

His timing leaves a lot to be desired, but I want to focus on getting you through this and will hold off on my unkind thoughts about the way he chose to go about it and the timing he chose.

Are you managing ok on the practical side? Logistically and financially? Both Maggie's and Macmillan have experts who can offer a lot of advice as well as practical help on these aspects.

Your situation is very similar, and emotionally probably identical, to dealing with cancer and a sudden death in the immediate family all at the same time. I wish there was a magic wand to wave and take away the excruciating experience of going though such a loss, including the shock of it happening in the first place. But, there are things you can possibly do to start regaining some stability. I would look around, both physically and mentally, and identify those things that are stable in your environment and life, be it people you know are not going anywhere, or physical objects. I would then figure out priorities. I am guessing your first priorities would be getting through treatment and protecting your children, as well as ensuring financial stability for your family. I'd write down any steps needed. If it helps, I might also set a daily routine so that you know what you are doing at any time.

None of these would take away the loss, but it could provide structure, something to hold on to and a starting point towards getting past all of it.

Let me know please if any of this might work for you; not everyone benefits from the same approach, and everything I just said may be a little too early for you anyway.

Genuinely sorry for your horrible situation. Those who are left to cope alone face a huge battle but as shown there are people to help you (and this forum for some small support). Really don’t know what to say other than take up offers of help from those closest to you xxxx

Thank you so much.  I will try My best to focus like you said. I'm so hurt and confused by everything.  We had a happy marriage as j thought and just don't understand it all. Thank you for being so kind .I just hope I have the strength for chemo and a break up.

Star so sorry to hear this. You have been offered excellent advice. I cannot add any more, but am sending you and your children massive hugs xxx

Thank you. Yes went for a nice walk yesterday that helped. I feel.as though my heart has been ripped out and my heads goung to explode. I feel as if I'm living someome else s life

Oh Star I really feel for you take all the help you can from your family and friends.  I think your husband has run off like a scared rabbit in the headlights and used what he said to you as an excuse.  Just remember you ARE STRONGER than he is. Take lots of care do whatever you like when you feel like it and take it easy when you are not up to it.  With love and hugs to you and your children Kay xxx

Thank you kay.  I've had a bad day today.  Very emotional.  As if chemo isn't hard enough I have this to try and cope with. I think he's had a breakdown fuelled by  lot of alcohol.  I know I have to concentrate on getting better just never thought I wouldn't have my husband of 24 years not by my side. So sad

Have a long soak in the bath and try to empty your mind definitely easier to say than do go to bed and I pray that you have a peaceful night.. Good night .    Kay