Post Treatment Emotions

Hi Maggie198, and a very warm welcome to the forum. Of course this may not be your first visit but I don’t think I’ve seen you here before. You’ve expressed very well how lots of us feel when whatever treatments we have are at an end. And lots of us here have talked about ‘survivor’s guilt’ or, as you’ve said, guilt that your cancer was somehow ‘not as bad’ as someone else’s. All natural feelings but please don’t underestimate the effects of any cancer diagnosis. It must have been a huge shock to be recalled after your mammogram, then to find out that you had cancer. We would all rather not be in this club at all! So do try not to play down your particular situation or feel any guilt for not having worse. We’re all in this club together and support each other whatever our individual circumstances. 
Sending love and a big virtual hug your way, HFxxxx

Thank you so much HappyFeet1. What a warm welcome. This is my first time on here and you've made me feel supported and understood, I could ask for nothing more.xxx

Hey. I know exactly how you feel. I got diagnosed in February. Surgery and radiotherapy (was planning chemo but then not). Stage 1 so I feel very lucky. But…feel a bit low and tired…my oncologist said today at routine followup that this was normal, which kinda made me feel better. I feel guilty too…i have been lucky…but I do feel like I should wear a t- shirt saying I’ve just had breast cancer and that’s why I feel/look crappy. I keep cancelling social events as I can’t face them and then feel guilty. Although when I go I feel better! Up and down. I’m also putting on weight which is probably the tamoxifen making me tired so I can’t be bothered to go for a run…I do walk the dog but even then I have to force myself! So what am I saying…I’m fine, cancer free but it’s not easy. My oncologist said today there is always someone with better or worse cancer, but we just have to deal with ours! Try stay positive..we will get through this and get back to our normal selves soon xx

Hi NewV, agree completely that knowing that some folk have had worse cancers/ treatments/ outcomes doesn’t really help at all! What you’ve described will I’m sure resonate with many of us. A dear friend suggested that a group of us have a night out to celebrate the end of my radiotherapy - I felt like a real killjoy when I tried to explain gently that I didn’t feel remotely like celebrating! Relieved, yes, but more like I wanted to curl in a corner and lick my wounds, so to speak. 
I returned to this article recently, which many here have found useful. It still makes me weepy but in a sort of good way, if that makes sense. Love and hugs, HFxx 

www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/.../After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

oh thanks you…this is my first post so really nice to hear your experience. Oh yes…I had the same..my family wanted a big party! Last thing I felt like and the preferred the corner too. I’ll read the article. Thank you.  xxx

Hi Maggie. I’m new to this. I am so glad you have shared your story, it has helped me feel less isolated. And I’ve been feeling almost the same  way as you. I can so relate to this. I had a mastectomy and implant 5 weeks ago. But I didn’t need any chemo or radiotherapy and I was so happy for a short while. But like yourself I felt guilty for having gradient 1 cancer and just surgery. I’ve been feeling sad and anxious for weeks. I can’t seem to function or motivate myself. I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself. I’ve also been out on tamoxifen. 

I have very similar feelings. I was diagnosed following a mammogram in early February. I had a lumpectomy in March, lymph nodes were clear, and I finished radiotherapy a couple of weeks ago. I swing between not quite believing that I've been this lucky that it was caught early, and feeling guilty that in many ways, it's been a breeze, and my prognosis is very good. I find myself brushing it off as almost nothing, but at other times I feel quite resentful that  people just assume I'm bowling along and everything's fine. I can't shake the feeling that it's all going to go horribly wrong, that this is too good to be true. On top of that, the letrozole is playing havoc with my emotions - it reminds me of when I was pregnant and very weepy. I'm not normally a weepy person at all. 

I try to be kind to myself; tell myself it's fine to have shit days, to feel low, anxious etc. I think depression is, to some extent, the result of suppressing emotions. Being brave, stuffing down the fear - it all takes it's toll. Ironically, I think being a bit weepy is good for me, as it releases all the things I have a tendency to bottle up.

Thank you for posting this - it's really helpful.

I get it, unfortunately there are going to be different breast cancer groups depending on treatment. It’s just a fact that if you had an invasive cancer which led to chemotherapy your in a much scarier group which means worse prognosis, chemo side effects etc. I find it easier to talk to people who have experienced chemo and I have a friend who had DCIS which led to a mastectomy but no chemo. We are very supportive but she kindly is also grateful for no spread or chemo and I’m grateful no mastectomy on top of chemo. It’s all extremely hard and we’re all different but we all understand the fear of recurrence and process of diagnosis. 

Bob Champion, the jockey had cancer and was hospitalised. Whilst walking round the outside one day feeling like death warmed up, he passed the Childrens Cancer Unit and saw the kiddies on their treatment. He was devastated and thought “if they can do it, so must I”. It helped, albeit slowly, to lift his dreadful feeling of hopelessness and anxiety. Hopefully, you’ll find what works for you.   X