Mental well-being

It's such a shock getting a cancer diagnosis and then the turn around of treatment etc can mean you in a bit of denial of what's happening to you and you carry on as if nothing has changed .  I'm over 6 years on, I had lumpectomy, and everyone, including my surgeon thought I took it very matter of factly and I can see to outsiders I just got in with it but I've had dark thoughts - usually at night and scan anxiety before annual mammogram.  

Hi Carol

I read your message to Tavares 

I to had a lumpectomy only a week in but like you I was a coping machine. Just like at work no emotion just matter of fact let's get on with it. Had a total meltdown panic attack yesterday never had a panic attack in my life. 

Suffered with nervousness you know like if your going to an interview and stuff. But nothing like this. 

I haven't excepted the thought of having cancer 

Well it happened yesterday after looking at scars especially the lymph node scar 5 inches under my right breast side. 

• I went into shock but my point is your 6 years on you've been this strong amazing person who has coped with all this and come out the other side. Living with your anxieties coping with mammogram and check ups. This is all part of you living with this awful thing that's happened to you. But you've not changed you've coped and you will keep on coping. 

Take care of yourselves 

Be kind to yourself

M

X

Grogg, thank you for your reply. Tried to work out if I’m in denial but maybe I’m being strong for my husband and daughter (who gave birth to my first grandchild the day I was diagnosed so didn’t tell her till March). Going for the whole ‘works’ soon, chemo, Docetaxel, Carboplatin, Herceptin, Oertuzumab and then radiotherapy..phew! Too much for my brain to handle. I sincerely wish everyone on this site wellness and putting into place, good coping strategies.

New person. Oh bless you are still recovering from surgery and your body is running on the spot to recover from the invasion that surgery is. Panic attacks are not pleasant and knowing they will pass doesn't help.  Don't push yourself to recover, have your down time, sod what anyone thinks.  I indulge myself now.  I took early retirement 3 years ago age 55 just because I was fed up of running myself ragged as my hubby had series accident 2018, surgery 2019 and has on going issues.  My adult daughter has chronic OCD and needs lots of support even though she's married.  I didn't realise how stressed and exhausted I was till I stopped working.  Hope you feel better soon xx

. How lovely a new grandchild.  I understand you protecting your daughter.  I held off telling my daughter of recall from routine screening as she away in second year of uni exams.  She took it well after initial cry.  Forced me to take control and ask questions of medical professionals as easier for me to just say yes to everything.  I think it's our Britishness of stiff upper lip and trying not to upset others just like our black humour.   You should join the chemo thread to get tips by others going through treatment too.  You've got this but it's ok to wobble  xx

It's a tough gig this cancer stuff.  I had a single mastectomy in January this year too.  The head sure spins.  I think the brain is very clever.  It goes into crisis mode and you don't think very much about anything.  You just keep functioning.  This is why, often, when people go through terrible trauma, it is only when they start to feel better and life improves that the difficult strong feelings arise.  If ti doesn't come out the top it will come out the sides.  I don't think we can just go through it and not have a response but often it is delayed.  It might be useful for you to read up on the stages of trauma recovery to inform your journey.  Good luck with your ongoing treatment x

Sincere thanks for your positive response! Knowing you're not alone and that we all cope in different ways is v useful information x

Grogg, had to laugh about Britishness!! I believe that is so true! Stiff upper lip and all that. Show no emotion!  Sorry to hear about your husband and his continuing on going situation . Also your daughter must be a worry to you..lI’ve is full of Onwards and upwards! X

Greatcrestedgrebe  you raise a good point about trauma.  My daughter has a new therapist who said her OCD crisis has a background from PTSD.  She didn't think she'd had any major trauma in life before it flared up but he explained trauma is different to everyone and it's not always a huge, major event but can affect you it's just an important event that happened to you.  One trauma he said was death and what you expected.  So her grandmother (her last grandparent) died in 2011 suddenly - she literally dropped dead unexpectedly.  He said while very sudden my daughter (then 16) had viewed this as traumatic as you expect grandparents to die.  Less than a year later one of my sisters died sort of unexpectedly.  She'd been diagnosed with a brain tumour a month previous and I had been honest with my daughter to prepare her saying she wouldn't recover from it and we could hopefully only keep her for a year when I had phone call in the night to say she'd been admitted to hospital after a seizure.  My husband and daughter came to hospital at 7am because I had rung him to say she was on life support and there was nothing they could do.  She came to say her good byes and like the rest of the family spent all day in the hospital waiting until they felt it time to turn of life support (her brain had to shut down fully or she would suffer).  Again while devastated she seemed to take it calmly but the therapist said this was a trauma to my daughter as she did expect to lose her aunty like she did grandmother.  Then in 2018 my hubby had his accident - broken back, neck and although he's recovered to walk etc. it was another trauma.  He said PTSD was an issue as it's caused by trying supress feelings/reactions etc. but it will find another outlet over time but sometimes people have developed other focusses which in turn become compulsions and distorted thinking.  Hence my daughter's OCD has flared up badly since 2012 and got worse.

While it is true that most people have some kind of an emotional response and that some such responses are more common than others, it is entirely possible to react in a different way. I suppose it can depend on previous life experiences too, on a person's character, or on any number of other factors. It is possible there will be a delayed reaction and it is possible there will not be one, and I wouldn't want you to feel you are in the wrong somehow if you never experience any particular emotional response. 

GreyCats! thnx for that. Ironically you hit the nail on the head about feeling “I must be ‘in the wrong’ for feeling emotionless”.. I keep wondering why I haven’t cried or even said “why me?” but I now believe it’s just a combination of factors that causes reactions. I hope those who do suffer emotionally can enjoy all the positive things life has to offer.x