Radiotherapy, mood

Hi Gez60, sorry you’re feeling low, just wanted to send a big gentle hug your way. I think sometimes there’s an expectation that once you’ve ‘done’ chemo, the radiotherapy will be easy. But a friend of mine actually found the rads harder than chemo, more tiring and more mentally/ emotionally draining. I can’t compare as I didn’t have chemo myself but was interested when she said that, as I’d assumed that the chemo would be the worst part. Are you working throughout? Maybe this is the time to ‘give in’ and just focus on getting through this stage of your treatment. 
Also picking up on ‘should be feeling relieved and positive’ …. I think there’s no ‘should’ about how you might feel. We all react and feel differently at each stage of this life changing process. A lovely friend of mine suggested that we have a ‘girls night’ celebration at the end of my rads, but I had to try to explain that I felt no sense of celebration. Glad to get it done of course but I didn’t feel remotely like a big celebration! But some people do, we’re all different. 
It also seems quite common to feel a sense of ‘flatness’ at the end of ‘active’ treatment. Dr Peter Harvey wrote an excellent article about this, I’ll try to find the link. 
Lastly I feel there’s an assumption that it’s ‘over’ after active treatment. I definitely don’t feel that it’s over for me, I’m on hormone therapy for years with its own little package of ongoing side effects and in any case I can’t simply forget that I had cancer treatment. It’s still scary! I’m happy in myself and enjoy my life, but it’s definitely different to before. 
Sorry for the long ramble! Someone else has posted a much sharper and more succinct reply in the meantime! But just wanted to reach out and assure you that you’re not alone, and also that things do get better as you adjust to your new normal. It can just take a bit of time finding what that is. Love and hugs, HFxxx

I meant to say, someone else has probably posted a reply in the meantime. But they hadn’t! Now I’ll look for that link… xx

Here’s the link I hope….

https://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

xx

Thank you so much for this, it's good to know that it's not just me. I think I feel guilty for feeling low and not wanting to celebrate. As you say, treatment may be over but there's always that what if feeling. It's such an ordeal and maybe only people who have been through it get the emotional side. Lots of love xx

Hi Gez60, I’m going to post something incredibly similar to what I’ve posted on another thread today, so you’re definitely not alone. This is my second time here so I’ve been at the end of treatment and felt exactly the way you do now. I think part of the issue is we run partially on adrenaline to get through this and we don’t necessarily process fully what is happening to us at the time. Then as we reach ‘the end’ of treatment our brain starts to deal with it all, and by that time we’re knackered anyhow! Look at what we’ve been through, chemo, surgery, radiotherapy, I think when we talk about the effects of these treatments being cumulative, how you feel is exactly that, the effects of having all of this go on for so long, the effects of all those drugs. It takes a year for your body to recover from chemo alone. I’m a very upbeat person ordinarily but it’s very hard to maintain that. It’s also hard when everyone around you tends to be very ‘you’ve finished treatment now so you’re good to go’, you’re not, you need time to recover. Don’t be too hard on yourself for feeling like this, it’s really difficult, please keep letting it out, big hugs x

Thank you for this. You're right, it's a tough ride through cancer treatment and as you say, it's easier to keep ploughing on when you're in the middle of it. Emotionally,  I feel like everything has been pulled out of me. It's really good to know that it's normal to feel like this, lots of love xx

Hi Happyfeet1. Great advice. You explained all of that brilliantly!

Hi, I've just had my last radiotherapy today and have been feeling really low also. Like yourself I know I should be feeling happy and relieved but it's like it's just suddenly hit me. Talking about my feelings has been helping and allowing myself to have those feelings and a good cry is important.