Stupid question - have I got cancer

I've been pondering the same. Do I class myself as in remission, am I cured - not sure if medics like that word. I too am done with treatment although have a physio appointment today as my armpit has swelled and i think I now have cording from the rads. I feel that life won't return to normal but it will be a new way of life. You can't forget what you have been through. Just because you've had cancer doesn't mean it won't come back even though treatment is much better these days than it was and some days it can hang over you. I'm with you @Imarah x

Hi Imarah, sorry you’re feeling this way, I suppose it’s a case of we’ve had breast cancer and there’s no real way of knowing if it’s all gone, I’d like to think that when I eventually finish my treatment it will be all gone but I suppose there’s never any certainty of that and that’s why the Doctors say it’s in remission “No evidence of Disease “. I would like to go back to when I hadn’t had this diagnosis where everything was normal, but those days have gone and we are forever changed by it. I understand what your family are saying because they would like to forget it ever happened but unfortunately we never will and we just have to take our steps into a new normal which is very difficult to do and takes time because our feeling of safety has been taken away and it will take a long while before we feel safe again, if we ever will. 

I hope that makes sense, sending you big hugs

Diane xx

I think of myself as cancer-free. I have done ever since my operation, I had chemo first, then op then rads. You have to assume they got everything. You may get cancer again but as I understand it, it is very unlikely to be the same cancer that you have had, if you are taking all the treatment needed.

Mine was hormone positive, so 5 years of hormone therapy and bisphosphonates but they are to prevent the risk of it coming back. I would still say it is gone just now.

Sorry just thought - if you put it another way - if you are still showing no signs of cancer in 10 years from now or 15 or 20 - will you say you are cancer free then? If you would consider yourself cancer free if no sign of cancer in x years, then you should consider yourself cancer free now. And enjoy the feeling!

I've finished active treatment and consider myself "in recovery from cancer".

I try not to describe myself has "having" or "not having" cancer to others, because it's confusing. The truth is I probably don't have cancer but can't know for sure.

"In recovery" suits me well.

I absolutely think it's unhelpful for others to expect you to be "back to normal". There's nothing normal about what has just happened!

You have only just finished major treatment and I'm right there with you feeling weepy and strange, even as life around me settles down a bit. Take it easy, take your time and try not to let others' expectations get to you.

Hi Imarah, definitely not a stupid question! Lovely answers already but thought I’d add mine to the mix.

In terms of feeling low at this point, I think that’s very common at the end of ‘active’ treatment. There’s an excellent article by Dr Peter Harvey which is referenced in another thread but you can usually find it by googling his name and ‘when treatment ends’. You are probably exhausted at this stage too, as you’ve not long finished rads. 

Regarding are you cancer free…. That’s the million dollar question! 

From my few years here, I’ve noticed that we all deal with our situations in our own ways. We are more similar to each other than to friends and family who have not had cancer, but even here we’re different in our take on what’s happened or is happening to us. I’ve never been told that I’m cancer free but some surgeons do seem to say this. I wonder though if it’s what they think the patient wants to hear… because really no one can say that definitively at any stage. I prefer to go with the ‘no evidence of disease’ as I feel that’s a realistic statement. But that’s my personal take on it and I have no problem with people choosing to view it differently. Throughout my experience I’ve wanted facts and figures although tbh I’ve never had much hard information re recurrence from the medics. Lots of stats re survival rates which are reassuring but not the whole story. For my own sanity I find it easier to face the fact that it may recur rather than deny it. And I take increasing comfort from time passing - I’m nearly 3 years now from the date of my op so over 3 years post diagnosis. I celebrate each birthday as another year without cancer! But privately, it’s not a feeling I’d share with friends and family because I don’t think they want to hear it! One of the many great things about this forum is that we can air our concerns and share our worries on a way that isn’t often possible with our nearest and dearest. 
Do be kind to yourself and allow yourself to deal with what’s happened in whatever way feels right to you. Sending love and a big virtual hug your way, HFxx

Sorry, I don't like your family much. They may as well tell you that you don't have the right to your own existence. None of them have any idea or the first inkling regarding what you have been, and still going, through, but for some reason they seem, from what you are saying, to feel that they have the right to dictate your emotions. Sounds more like they are trying to solve their own issues with your cancer by trying to force you to align with what they need, rather than realise that it is about you, and only about you. I wish you had a support system rather than a system demanding your support.

As for whether you are cured, in remission, in recovery, you can talk to your cancer nurse and ask her first of all what the situation is from a medical standpoint, then make your own mind up as to how you want to define yourself. For instance, if the medical viewpoint is that you are now cured, you would still be in recovery from everything and may view yourself as either.

Telling you that you are now cured and everything should be back to normal is, to me, the same as telling someone on the way back from a funeral, "Ok, you've buried your husband, you should be now back to normal and start dating." 

I don't want you to feel scared, but I would never censor you for feeling this way or tell you how you should be feeling. Your family should be a lot more supportive, and if they cannot offer that, then I hope that you can find the support you need both here and locally, possibly via Macmillan or Maggie's.

I only really answered your cancer-free part of your query and not the rest and just wanted to agree with what everyone else is saying! It is really early days for you to feel anything like normal. Plus, your rads peak at 2 weeks post-rads and you aren't healed until 6 weeks post-rads. So you'll still be tired and healing.

Most people find that once treatment is over, that's when the whole thing hits them. I remember being very tired and out of sorts probably around 6 weeks following rads - just exhausted from it all. And weepy! I remember going out for a run and having to stop because I was crying. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, none of it is wrong. I also had chemo and don't feel like I'm anywhere near normal after that, and I finished in January.

You need to process what has happened, and I hate to say this, but I'm not sure anyone goes back to what they were before. I know I'm the same person, but I have also changed. I'll never be the pre-cancer me. Something has shifted, it is such a shock and a big blow to thinking you're going to live forever! I actually think I'm better for it, but you need to work all that through in your head and it all takes time. It is actually really good to think 'I've had cancer, this stuff can't hurt me' when you find yourself worrying about something that doesn't matter. But it take a bit of time to take that positive from it all.

I do say I am cancer-free, but that's only the disease, not the recovery, physically or emotionally.

Sorry to hear you might have cording. I had it start about 10 days after surgery (in April), and then resolve, then come back again and resolve again. It's such an unpleasant feeling.