First annual review coming up and terrified

Hi EK55 welcome to the forum. Please feel assured that you are perfectly normal in your thoughts and we can all relate to that and what you are feeling. I don't think that fear ever ever leaves any of us and the recall reminds us of what has happened for us.

I am kinds feeling a little anxious myself for different reasons as I am approaching the 5 year Cancer free and this net Mammogram will be my last one on the screening programme so I am anxious as a result of that.

Please let us know how you get on as we are all thinking of you.  xxx

HI EK55

I totally understand what you are feeling.  In 2017 I was diagnosed with BC and DCIS  - 80mm in total. Luckily I was able to get away with a lumpectomy, rather than mastectomy, but I was 100% convinced on my first annual that this wasn't the end of it!  I was positive that it would be back in that one or in the other one.  At the time I went for my annual mammogram, they were a lot more relaxed about results and I was wanting to book a holiday, so the nurse kindly told me straight away "although you have to wait for the doctor to look at the scans, it looks perfectly fine to me - this is good news".  I was stunned as I had been SO sure that it would have come back. Each year, I've become a bit more relaxed about it and more secure in going for my mammogram.  Time passing will obviously make it easier for you.  But, for the second annual, I tried to think around the lines that (a) they removed the cancer (b) radiotherapy also helps as a prevention - appreciate you probably didn't have that (c) the Anastrozole that I'm on is there to stop the oestrogen building up to cause it happening again and (d) the changes that I had made to my lifestyle also were a contributory factor to prevent recurrence.  (I ate loads of pre packaged meals and changed to cooking vegetables from fresh, cut down on my cigarettes - although COVID has meant these have gone up a bit more now - grrrr, exercised more and stopped stressing about the 'small stuff').  

Take a look at what things have changed in your life health-wise since being diagnosed and try and think about the Letrozole you are taking being a good solid belts and braces to the treatment you have already had.  Once you've got through this annual, hopefully next year you won't feel so bad on the run up.  I do get a bit jittery about a week before mine now - last one will be June next year, so I'm not looking forward to stopping my Anastrozole after that as it's been really helping my mindset.

With regards to the "why me?" I guess we could all think that but 1 in 7 women in the UK get diagnosed with breast cancer, so look around at your group of friends/family and try and think, "why not me out of this group?" and if you are the one in seven, hopefully that means you have 'spared' your loved ones - OK I know that's not a rational thought but it might make you feel magnanimous that you've 'taken one for the team'!!!

Good luck with your annual, I am sure you will be fine.

Best wishes, Lesley

(snap -GRANNY59)

My BCN said something to me that might help. I was worried about only having mammograms as it was the ultrasound that picked mine up, they didn't see anything on mammogram. She said that I should be checking myself regularly and understanding what the new me feels like and any concerns, go to your GP straight away. The annual mammogram is just a 'catch all' to pick up anything really early. If I did have anything, it would be caught so early that it would be very easy to treat.

I found my lump myself and had to have chemo first to shrink it. I never want cancer again, obviously, but if they found anything via mammogram that I hadn't found myself with checking, then it should be really small and treatment far easier than what I've just gone through.

You're 'in the system' now so are going to be very well monitored over the next few years or longer. Any fears I expressed to my BCN or oncologist always got a reply of, 'well, we'll treat it'.

From a rational perspective, it does seem very unlikely that you would have anything, given you are not long finished your main treatment and you are taking letrozole which switches off the hormones that were helping the cancer grow.

Have you had your mammogram now? It will be good to get it out the way and then you just have the week of worry to go!

Thank you Gail, it's nice to be assured that my fears are normal. I think I struggle with some of the insensitive comments from people who haven't had cancer.  They all seem to expect me to be a bubbly star jumping individual dressed in pink embracing life because in their minds my cancer journey (hate that term) is over. I am sorry that you too are experiencing anxiety.  Sending good wishes.  Erica 

Hi Lesley, thank you so much for responding.  Your words have helped.  I gave up smoking 4 years ago. How I managed to stay off them this year I don't know.  !  I have been walking more, so am trying to be healthier.  Good luck in June. Take care and thank you. Erica

Hi. Mammogram today. Results next Friday. I originally didn't feel my lump, I had pain in my breast which I had to convince my GP was a potential sign.  Kept getting fobbed off as being hormonal.  Eventually mammogram, ultrasound and op found different areas of cancer.   It was a fight to be believed and a bit of me still harbours resentment.  I wish I didn't but it's hard to let go.  I know I'm luckier than some.  I've just convinced myself it's back.... Thank you for your kind words and support.  Erica