Update and further moving of goal posts

Good morning......

I am so sorry that you have to keep waiting for results. No wonder you are worried.

I am assuming the nuclear scan was a TEP scan? Although the wait is awful, I found the results from this scan the most reassuring of all. It's routine in my area. If cancer is found anywhere you have  a TEP scan because it shows the oncologist exactly where the cancer is. In my case, the appointment was after my lumpectomy as I had an operation first and it showed there was no cancer left. For you it will show the oncologist exactly where to direct treatment. Even in the worse case scenario of it being somewhere else, you will find it reassuring to know that everywhere needing treatment is getting it. There won't be a delay while unknown areas are left to develop. All areas can be dealt with. But let's be positive........ If it shows there is cancer only in the breast and node you will be able to stop worrying about it being elsewhere and concentrate on the treatment to recover. You will also find, I am sure, that like me you are reassured.

The next few days will be difficult. I can't tell you to stop worrying. We are all human.......but if it is possible to distract yourself by doing something you enjoy or have wanted to get on with for a while, my advice would be to try and do it. We had a holiday booked at the only time I had to wait for results ( the tumour analysis) and were encouraged to go anyway. Whilst I can't say I totally forgot, I did spend some of the time enjoying myself exploring a new area.

Don't worry about crying or ranting here. We understand and are here to listen. Take care of yourself. You will know soon exactly what is going on.

Hoping you manage a reasonable weekend. I have to rush now as OH has an appointment.  Try chatting on the Awake thread. You will find lots of experience, empathy and support there.

Love Karen

Thank you so much for your reply.

What you say makes a lot of sense and probably what I would say to others but I've tried telling myself that and it does t work.

Hopefully I will soon have all the information and answers and can start lookin forward instead of being in limbo.

I have been knitting my grandson a jacket and have only got two sleeves left so this is a small distraction, doesnt always work but I am continuing with it.

Good luck with hubbys appointment and thanks again x

Hi Sudge,

You poor thing, waiting is horrible and if your appointments are being changed as well it must be causing great anxiety. I hope everything comes together for you quickly.

Take care of yourself meantime.

PS I could win a medal for crying at the moment!

Its horrible you think you have gor your head together and then things change and added and it sets me off again. 

When I got to hospital yesterday I had to ask directions teice and both people said you have wrong day its not the 15th until next week ggrrrr i had to bite my tongue and explain it had been bought forward.

Crying isnt me at all , I never cry , think I have cried an entire lifetime these last few weeks.

Hi again Sudge

Sorry to hear that you are being upset by the appointments changing. The good thing on two counts is that it was brought forward. That means in the round there is less time for you to wait and if they had a cancelation or vacant slot for some other reason, it has actually been used by someone who can benefit from it.

I do know how agonising it is to be waiting and not knowing what the final plan is. I will be thinking of you and sending big virtual hugs. 

I am looking forward to hearing that you have got that wee jacket finished and that you will share a photo of it when it is ready.

All the best for the 15th. Let us know how you get on.

Wallydug 

Thanks WallyDug ,

I just seem to be in permanent melt down mode and cry at the silliest things of late and then have full scale bawl at the whole situation. 

Yes my logical head tells me its better to have the earlier appointments but scary at the same time in case there is some information they haven't told me .

Still plodding on with the jacket and have 1 sleeve left and i can sew it up so as soon as it is finished I will post a picture 

Know that how you are feeling is completely normal. None of us signed up for this rollercoaster ride. Your stage is the most anxiety producing. Once you get into the groove of the treatment appointments, life takes on a different pattern.

Keep posting how you feel. Better out than in and the same goes for tears, if they want to flow let them. It doesn't matter at all, and there is no better time to feel sorry for oneself, I know that I did. I think it helps to get over the 'grief' for our pre-BC lives, which we can never get back again. Of course, we hope to move forward again, but it will not be in quite the same way we had envisaged in the days before.

Wallydug

Thanks  WallyDug, 

Havnt even given a  thought about treatment appointments ! 

This is bad enough 

Feel a bit of a moaner when I see so many positive posts

Yeah suppose it is a bit like grief isnt it , I am trying to be positive but I'm afraid its Negative Nelly  thats winning at the moment

Hang on in there Sudge. The waits are truly horrendous and allow us too much thinking time to come up with worst case scenarios which we probably all do at some time or other.    Regarding friends, I find I don’t want too much sympathy, makes me feel worse! What I do want is a nice positive story of which there are many.  On Woman’s Hour recently the founder of Coppafeel charity told her story of living with secondary breast cancer for years (16 I think). 

This is not necessarily your scenario and we look forward to seeing a whole wardrobe of clothes for your grandson. Best wishes for the 15th will be thinking of you. xx

Thanks Wobbly, 

Yes definitely too much thinking time and too many if its this if its that going on in my head at the minute but its very hard not to.

My friend has just rang me and I still havnt managed to tell he yet as she is a very touchy feely personand I know she would be wanting to do things for me and I'm so not ready for that, only my close family and boss know at the minute and thats how I want it to be for as long as possible.

Well due to work I havnt had time to knit much so with so much time on my hands looks like everyone could be getting a knitted garment for Christmas this year.

I will make sure I check in again with further updates next week