Lonely

Well, yes, this is sometimes how it can be. At least you still have work to return to and are getting paid, so that's a bonus. People just don't know how to react and don't bother to even ask sometimes. I knew someone who had cancer who lives where I do, and I asked her what she wanted to talk about - she said anything but her cancer, how she was feeling/doing. She wanted to know what the rest of the world was up to. It's difficult for people who have no clue how a person with cancer actually feels. I feel often I have to put a brave front on when I don't want to, just to please others. Today I feel great, yesterday I didn't. That seems to be how it is. I have used the "Someone like me" scheme very successfully - don't give up on this, as I had a whole week of about 5 different ladies phoning me up and some twice. I told them I needed to see light at the end of the tunnel, and that is exactly what I got - perked me up loads after I'd had my diagnosis and I was in a bit of a shocked and unhappy state.They are all trained and paid expenses for the telephone calls and seem to love doing it.  I couldn't decide what option to take re reconstruction. Have you asked about hospital transport ? Also there are volunteers who drive people to appts and are paid expenses. They like to do it and are probably tested for Covid as part of that important volunteering role. I can't help you on chemo as not had to have it, fortunately, but there are plenty of people on this site who have.

Hi there, it's ok to vent, and it sounds like you are having a tough time, and the help you need is practical as well.  So on that first, does your hospital offer any support with transportation? I know some do have this so worth asking.  And I wonder if they also have any support groups so that you can meet others in a similar situation?  I am not really sure what else to suggest, but I am sure there will be other people on here with good ideas too.

In the meantime, vent away on here, it's a great site for support of others going through the same challenges.  Best wishes 

Agreed. What I needed was practical help. Simple things - I don't mind admitting I certainly didn't feel like shopping for bras I had no clue about, for instance and was very anti mastectomy. I liked what I had. I had a lot of practical help both from a long chat face to face with BC Nurse and from ladies from "Someone like me". I still get practical help on things to do and things not to do from the Radiotherapists - works for me.

Thank you for your kind reply Irishgirl.

I have managed to find a number for the local hospital volunteer group. So I will ring them this week to see if they can help. 
thank you again
xxx

Brilliant. Then you can send a message to your "friends at work" saying something about how well you're getting on with the volunteers. I think this, and "Someone like me" service will make a massive difference to how you feel. Keep hanging on in there. Don't be afraid to ask for help. They will understand. 

Hi

It's a bugger when you've been so independent to having to rely on people, and I hate that part. Do you have a patient transport scheme that you can book to get you even one way to the hospital

Yes a miserable wet damp bank holiday nobody about cannot even cut the grass so I get to talk to anyone TV boring.

Have a good moan on here or send me a private chat if that's easier, I don't sleep (too many hot flushes)

Take care x

Hi Freddie

You have come to the right place to have a vent! you will find lots of help and support on here. I think we have all had our down days and for sure, a problem shared is a problem halved.

Re help with transport to hospital: depending where you are in the country there will be NHS organised volunteer drivers and some of the charities can also maybe help. I would contact McMillan and Maggies Centres to ask. You will certainly not be the first person to need help with getting to and from hospital. About 15 years ago my mum-in-law got linked up one of the volunteer drivers who took her to all her appointments in Glasgow from Ayr and waited for her to take her home again. She did not drive and was not at all well enough for public transport. 

When I am at the cancer clinic, I notice that there is reserved parking for volunteer drivers and there are cars, usually with someone waiting in them, using these spaces now.

Re chemo. I had the chemo before the surgery, so the other way round from you. I was not looking forward to it either, but it was nowhere near as bad as it is made out to be. The care team will give you the support  meds that you will need for the type of chemo you are having. If you have any breakthrough side effects, if you let them know, they will tweak your meds and give you help to get through. They also take this into account for the subsequent cycles. Nowadays, it is very doable and has high success rates.

The ladies on here are also a source of strength and if you post which chemo drugs you are getting, they will share their own direct experiences, hints and tips to help you get by.

Hope you get on well with your treatment and don't be backward asking your BC nurse/ GP /the charities and whoever else for help in getting transport to and from hospital. Go for it - you have nothing to lose and everything to gain from asking. I was very independent like you, but realised that going through this unsought experience, that I did need to ask for help with some somethings.

All the best 

Wallydug.

Hello "I like coffee"   (and so do I!),

Thanks for your message.  I gave up on the telly today too and played candy crush on my lap top for the first time at 52 years old! Something non-taxing and totally distracting.  It stopped me from feeling sorry for myself!

 I'm sorry about the hot flushes and lack of sleep you are having.  I suspect I also have that challenge coming after my chemo when I eventually get the tamoxifen.....I bought a chill pillow - wonder if they work?

I will contact the hospital volunteers service at my local hospital.  I was given a booklet by my BCN with lots of useful information in it but this bit was missing and the lack of driving resource for me has really been worrying me so much.  At least if I can get the planned hospital visits for chemo covered - its a start.

xxxx

Hello WallyDug,

Thank you for your kind words.  Its cheered me up today - everyone replying.  I have been asking for help a lot.  I think I have realized today that I have been asking for help from the wrong places/people. Its what they all say isn't it? - the help comes but not from where you expect it!

xxx

VeniceLagoon, thank you for your messages earlier; and for the advice and encouragement you have given me today. It means a lot.

xx