Hes left me

Hello Julie. I'm so sorry.  Xx

Dearest @Charlieandlola, (not sure why it won't let me tag you).

I remember your posts.  First, YOU DON'T NEED HIM - You don't need anyone to treat you like this, you might feel numb, scared and frightened - just remember what You have gone through, not him, you and look how far you have come.

What a total low life to do this to you in such a way, and, I believe because he's done it like this you will hurt that much more and feel that much more scared - you were unprepared.  As the saying goes..... what doesn't kill you makes you stronger..... and this is what you are going to do.  You have gone through all this - as much as you might love him - look through others eyes and see what we see 'you don't let a fella/husband treat you like this'!!

I am sure others on here will help with suggestions on what needs to be done - lets say a plan of action.  

You can do this Julie, you can!!

And soon you will wonder why you stood for this for so long..... You have extra worries with the lockdown etc - but.... use this time to get through this, to get stronger.

I would say if he has emptied bank - make sure no money goes into that account. Even try and put a 'stop' on the account in case he tries to borrow against it - it seems nothing is below him.  

Remember we are all here for you and will try to offer guidance and support.

I am sure others will be along over the weekend with ideas and advice.

On top of this, if you need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on you can always message me - you can even have my number as a 'I'm here if you need me'.

In the meantime sending you great big tight hugs and love xxx

Gail W

Your right Gail and I totally agree. What a rat.

Owww 'Thank You' - I think it is a question of time that will easy this pain and situation.  I've not gone threw this, so not sure on financial advice etc - the way it looks Julie needs to get in first to protect her own interested, as it seems he is capable of trying anything to benefit himself. A total rat indeed xx

It's happened to me recently. After 11 years together. 2 days before my cancer surgery 4 weeks ago  he dumped me out the blue.   I'm concentrating on me and being positive. He says he can't cope with the cancer.  I'm doing just fine. I've had a wide local excision for my vulva cancer. I'm a strong woman but I do feel for Julie who seems to be in bits. I hope she gets bk online some time and realises we do care. She isn't on her own. Xx

I'm devastated.  I'm so happy to get your messages though. I'm alone in bed. Despite my children wanting to stay, I needed to be alone. Hes older than me by 7 years. Always in and out of work. He recently said.......God your body is disgusting since you had your "tit" chopped. 

Hes made me feel ugly. 

He married his first wife when he was 23. Left her 2 years later with 2 kids. Then he married another lady. He was with her about 13 years. Cheated on her regularly.  I met him when I was vulnerable.  He made me feel good. Told me I was the best thing since sliced bread. During my marriage hes cheated 3 times. This time cuts harder and deeper. Hes not showing any concern

Its hurts and I'm afraid I'm really struggling to see a future for me. Just blackness xxx

In a virtual world we'd all be round your house now supporing you with hugs, chat and cups of tea. Please don't be so hard on yourself. 

He's manipulated you and made you feel bad about yourself deliberately, just like he manipulated you and made you feel good about yourself before (if you were the best thing in his life why did he cheat on you?).  He sounds like he's immature and controlling, not just with you but also his previous partners as he's cheated on you all. It sounds to me that he's been "gaslighting' you through your cancer treatment. I remember you posting about him during lockdown so he's been making you feel bad for a while  What kind of man talks about someone they care about in the terms of 'tit chopped '??? If he genuinely cared then he'd  be worried for you and supportive,  not empty the house and bank account when you're at work!! I agree about making sure no payments go into the account - call the bank and cancel any direct debits like salary in the morning,  explaining about your account being emptied, and see if you can open your iowm account if you don't have one. I'd also consider legal advice if it was much stolen,  as you own half the money in a joint account, and by clearing it he's committed a criminal act, so it should be returned to you.  I'd change the locks on the door too, for your own peace of mind so he doesn't take more when you're out. 

It's interesting that he did this on a Friday,  when lots of support  (doctors,  council,  legal advice etc) is less accessible until Monday. My ex brother-in -law did that deliberately to my sister years ago, as she found out from a mutual friend.

I've read your posts since your diagnosis onwards,  and you sound like a lovely,  caring,  sweet person. You're still that person:) it's going to be a difficult few weeks or months ahead,  but you're out of an abusive relationship now,  and can slowly rebuild a better future without him. Xxxx

I agree with Londonmumof2  -  hard and unfair as it is you are out of that relationship. View it as a new start and it can be all about you now which is what you need. Direct all your love and healing energy on yourself, because you are so worth it and he is not. Sending loads of love and support - you can do this! X

Hi Charlie and Lola,

I remember your posts from before as we were going through treatment. You gave him another chance to be back in your life. But yet again he has let you down - big time now. It must be so hard to have trusted him and he turns round and does this to you.

Remember though you are strong even if you don’t feel it now. You have got through the treatment and out the other side. So it’s a new beginning for you so try to be positive about your future without him. You have your family and your dogs so put him aside. He doesn’t deserve you. And his comment just shows that as What Happened says he is a rat. 
So act to protect your finances and belongings and seek legal advice and take time to come to terms with it all.

In time you will be ok. Fly high.

Jojodot X

Big hugs @charlie and Lola, can’t add anything to what the others have said xx