Feeling exhausted and empty but also guilty. Can't stop crying.

dear 
Don’t feel guilty , I know that’s easy to say , I feel guilty about lots of things but I know in my heart of hearts that it’s an irrational feeling . Don’t full your socks up but be kind to yourself . I’m 3 years from first diagnosis and I can honestly say it’s only in the last 6 months that fatigue has left me . Chemo brain not long gone too !! The elation of following a knitting pattern was immense! Knitting also helps my fingers which are left with peripheral neuropathy and arthritis brought in with treatment. I didn’t get radiotherapy. I had chemo . If you look up my profile you will see my journey . 
May my aqua aerobics class ( oh to get back to that !) there are 2 ladies who had breast cancer 10 years before me and both living life to the full . 
I have recently lost friends to different cancers and I felt very down but I gave myself a talking too , I’m alive , I’m well and I MUST live my life in honour of them . They wouldn’t want me to be sad . Your friend will want to see you well , so be kind to yourself . Get up and shower and if you want a lazy day , then put in clean pjs and some perfume , wee bit lipstick and blusher - then when you pass a mirror it’s your reflection you see .

not every hospital has a bell for finishing chemo , because not everyone gets to finish treatment - some receive chemo for years and are living good lives . Don’t say you only had radiotherapy as it’s a very very strong treatment . 
I was told fatigue can last over 2 years and it did . In the beginning I had a day at home , then a day out - even a walk.Do not fight fatigue- you can’t ! You must rest , read a book , I enjoyed jigsaws - sort of accomplishment! I sent one to a friend going through treatment just now snd she says she is determined to finish it !! 
I hope you have rescheduled your vaccine, explain how poorly you feel to be able to drive. They may be able to offer you a different way of receiving your jab or give you another appointment. 
I hope you feel better soon , with everything happening in your life and with covid , it’s only natural to feel down. Things will get better , spring is on the way and hopefully we can see friends again soon . 
take care 

love Ruby Rose  

. If you need a chat lots of lovely ladies & the odd gent on this threadAwake .  Go to last  page and just say hi xx

Hi,

Don't feel guilty. None of the treatments are easy and do take a while to recover from as Ruby Rose has said so well. I had started in April 2019 with chemo, followed by bilateral surgery and then radiotherapy which I finished just before Christmas 2019. Have been on Letrozole since. I too have peripheral neuropathy from the chemo, quite badly in my feet and I get days when I feel very tired, but I don't try to fight it. I too try to be kind to my body, and take it easy usually with a cuppa and a book. I just say to my husband I am having an easy day today and that's it... Although I am 74, I like to do my hair (which has now grown back quite well) and put a bit of lippie on. It does make you feel better. I am lucky to live near the sea and do walk up to the clifftop to get some exercise,  and for a few days this week for the first time I have managed to walk down the zigzag to the actual beach. I was a bit daunted about the climb back up, but i made it with a few stops here and there. But i felt so much better for it..... so go with the flow. Listen to your body...I know I still have a way to go yet, but yes spring it on the way. Try not to get down Suzysue.....keep postive..Lots of love..xx

Sorry to hear you are feeling so fatigued. I've suffered with Fibromyalgia and Chronic fatigue for many years now and it is really hard to manage if you are not used to it. I was the same as you, bursting into tears as you couldn't do normal things anymore without just feeling so drained and limbs feeling heavy.

I done a support class and they taught you about pacing yourself and limiting high activities (such as driving, housework, or anything you find tires you out). Its difficult to do at the start but I hope it does get better. 

I just have to plan a bit more now, so if I know I need to do something like the covid vaccine, I will literally do nothing else that day, even the washing up will stay in the sink! 

Have a look at the spoon theory to see if that's any help for you. And remember, it's not weak to ask for help. 

Feel better soon x x 

Suzysue22 the emotional journey of any cancer I think is harder than the physical journey mainly because the physical aspects are so easy to see and discuss with others.  Emotionally the rollercoaster nature of it just grabs you when you least expect it so never feel like a baby.  Go with it and get it out.  Six months is still early and to expect yourself to have got over it maybe something you should not worry about.  Take each day as it comes and always try to find something to look forward to.  So you did not make it to your appointment but you can rebook it!   There is your positive.