So hi guys i realise that i'm pretty crap at times at keeping regular updates on here, but here goes so 22cnd Dec results from my lumpectomy, previous two weeks having a boob that looked like it was modelling for clown make up, various shades of black and blue, several times my dressings peeled off as i think i can walk like Hussain bolt if he was to be a walker and not a sprinter lol so guess sweaty pits and dressing don't mix, needless to say on the 20th i had to redress my wound which was a feat in itself, i could not ask two lads my sons one 23 and the other 20 to do this, so picture this, trying to look in the mirror whilst putting new dressing on wearing my specs cos lets face it im 47 now, and my eye sight is failing, all those years of uni work, and computer work, so squinting trying to get over the wound as best i can without leaving the dressing tight, i managed to get it on in a similar place to where the surgeon put it albeit maybe a bit skewwhiff, if that's a word? and it seems my skin does not like these dressings as it has a reaction yikes.
The exercises have been ok, half the time i look like I'm trying to climb the wall spider man style, but that has been ok so please bear with them cos they do work.
so its been an emotional two weeks to say the least, but I've managed a few walks and feel reasonably ok, despite having to wear a bra for bed, omg that's been a pain to say the least, i can highly recommend triangle pillows i don't know why i never got one of these before.
So results day bless i went with my bestest mate my ex fiancé whom i was with for ten years but for some reason he still wants to be mates, and we get on better now. Consultant proceeded to tell me what DCIS Invasive was, which i stopped him and said i know what i've got, can i find out what my results were, well here it is they took the Sentinel node out and by accident another node which thought it would have a free ride out of my body (cant think why) free board and lodgings and all that, however it hitched a ride along with the tumour, well they both tested positive, for yes you can guess the Ninjas minions, mmmm one node had 3mm in it and the other had cells in it, so because apparently its now macro metastasis i have to have a full axillary node clearance, and for a freebie i get a drain for five days so that i get to see the rubbish that my armpit expels. on the plus side my margins were clear............so the consultant bless him is saying that i need surgery and chemo and radiotherapy and hormonal therapy and all i felt like saying was do i get rum therapy and chocolate therapy and maybe just maybe can i have Cillian Murphy therapy (the peaky blinders chap that has sexy blue eyes) not everyones cup of tea but he can serve me chocolate and rum any day, sorry i digress..... so 13th January booked to see if any more minions are present in my other lymph nodes.
Same day gets a phone call can you come in on the 29th December for surgery, mmmmm yes ok, and boxing day for the old Covid test like we do, so that's my new years eve of debauchery not going to happen lol unless someone likes me sporting a drain like a dodgy fancy dress left over from Halloween ha ha i think not.
So ill be entering 2021 with the newly acquired drain, no lymph nodes hardly, and another hurdle of wondering if the minions have spread, a whole 8 months of surviving Chemo and radiotherapy and believe me folks if you saw my ears you would realise why i worry about having no hair, id look like a poor recreation of Dumbo not good lol.
Could be worse i know, and i'm ever the optimistic that i can get a long wig now, because i've been trying to grow my hair for years and years, so now i can be whatever colour i want and i don't have to waste money on razors if i choose not to put a ice block on my head to preserve my hair. silver lining to every cloud right????
On the upside folks keep strong, i have a lovely grandbaby to look forward to in June that will be almost as bald as me lol poor thing, will take one look at me and think that's a big baby, seriously were all bloody strong people, and no matter what stage of this dodgy rollercoaster ride your at, just remember there is a time when we will get off this ride, and feel less sick, frightend, and anxious.
i heard a song the other day, from the greatest showman, and it reflects all of us agree or disagree,
'I am not a stranger to the dark hide away , they say, cause we don't need want your broken parts,
ive learned to be ashamed of all my scars, run away they say no one;ll love you as you are, but i won't let them break me down to dust, i know that there's a place for us for we are glorious.
when the sharpest words wanna cut you down, I'm gonna send a flood gonna drown em out, i am brave i am bruised i am whom i'm meant to be , this is me.
Look out cause here i come and I'm marching on to the beat i drum i'm not scared to be seen i make no apologies this is me.
Another round of bullets hits my skin well fire away cause today i wont let the shame sink in we are bursting through the barricades and reaching for the sun, we are warriors.
yeah thats what weve become , yeah that's what weve become, i wont let them break me down to dust, i know that there's a place for us for we are glorious.
you get it right, its a lovely song and i think it relates to so much more, but particularly to our fight , journey whatever we need to call it, stay strong lovely ladies, and yes i did contribute to the book war and peace well how to write a lengthy message, thats if all of you haven't fallen asleep by now i salute you. until we speak again. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
