I can’t stop obsessively checking my breasts

To a certain extent I can understand how you feel.  I have just been diagnosed with breast cancer but my mum was exactly the same age as I am now when she died with lung cancer.  Until I got the results of my CT scan, I was convinced it had spread to my lungs and that, I too, was going to die with it.  Do you know what exact type of breast cancer she had?  This can often give you the information you need to be able to set your mind at rest that you are not going to go through the same.  My type is not hereditary so my daughter was able to set her mind at ease when I found out.  The only other thing I can suggest is that you get some sort of counselling to help ease your worries.

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Sending love your way!

I don’t know the medial name for the type for what she had, but she did ask the doctor at the time if it was hereditary and they said no. It’s hard to feel confident about it though, especially on a part of your body that has aches and pains at least for 1 week of every month. You might be right about looking into counselling. 

Hi , and welcome to the forum. So sorry to hear about your mum. Your post resonates with me as I lost mine to breast cancer at 19.

I have had many breast clinic referrals over the years but all were fine until 40 years after her death, when I did end up with breast cancer myself. However I have been told that they do not think there is any connection between her cancer and mine, and there’s been no suggestion that I should have genetic testing. So it sounds like your mum had a similar type to my mum’s, which must have been hormone receptive as I know that she was taking tamoxifen. 

Regarding your obsessive self examination, I agree that counselling might be helpful. Perhaps you could also keep a written record of your examinations as it’s apparently more effective anyway to check yourself at the same time each month, due to fluctuating hormones. Maybe it would reassure you  to write things down and might help you to resist such frequent checks? I think that once a month is recommended but you probably know that anyway - and obsessions aren’t logical! 

I’m sure others will pop in with reassurance and suggestions, I hope that you can find a way of keeping your anxieties in check. Just to add, I have 3 siblings, aged 54 to 66, and I’m the only one to have suffered from any sort of cancer so far, despite both our parents dying from cancer. That doesn’t seem too bad, given the general statistics for getting some form of cancer! 
Please do seek help if your obsession continues, these are such anxious times at the moment anyway. 
Sendibg love and a big virtual hug, HFxx

Hi
You are very young to lose your mum, bless you - and no wonder you are still grieving her and I wonder if that grieving is transferring itself to your health.  It's a shock when death is 'faced' and it makes us look at our own mortality. So, as others have said - counselling would be great for you, perhaps grief counselling  if you didn't have it previously.

Unknown said:

The doctors believe it was related to changes due to the menopause, and as she is the only family member to have had breast cancer, they do not believe that there is an increased genetic risk to us.

This makes me believe that your Mum was Oestrogen positive (ER+) as this type of breast cancer is definitely related to the menopause.  I went through the menopause at around the age of 50 and went for my first ever mammogram at 51 - they start calling you every 3 years from 50+.  I didn't feel ill, had no symptoms, didn't even know there was a lump - my Mum was adopted and hadn't had breast cancer (she died when I was 49 of non cancer related illness).  ER+ breast cancer is when you've been through the menopause and the oestrogen 'fires' changes to your DNA if you have too much of it, when you shouldn't as you've been through the menopause (if that makes sense).  At the moment, you are so young you SHOULD be producing oestrogen.
The type of breast cancer that is hereditary is related to a gene - BRCA - and is a mutation of this gene.  The doctors would have ruled out this mutation.

ER+ breast cancer is the most prolific type and from what I saw in the radiotherapy centre - 99.9% of the ladies there were 50 - 80+ And it was like a revolving wheel there were so many ladies there!!! I made friends with 3 ladies who often went at the same time as me - 2 were 55- 60 and the other aged 82. They were all ER+. One lady was BRCA positive as well as ER+, so the fact that they knew that, they must have tested her to see that she was BRCA positive.  They never told me that I'd been tested for the BRCA gene, but presumably as they have the cancerous tissue they do this which is why they told your Mum that it wasn't hereditary.

It probably sounds stupid, I never checked my breasts before and I still don't  -but even if I had, I wouldn't have found the lump had I checked them anyway as it was only when the nurse checked it that I realised there was a lump there - I would never have found it personally and I've never been shown how to check my breasts even after having breast cancer.  Having had it, we get a mammogram every year for 5 years, so each time I get a clear one, I forget all about it until next year.  I'm the type that 'buries my head in the sand' - which is not what we're supposed to do, I know.  We are all different eh?

You will get aches and pains in your breasts because of your periods, I strongly suspect, I seem to remember mine swelling, changing etc when I was younger (I'm 54 now).

I guess the most important thing for you is to remember that your Mum would have wanted you to live your life to its fullest and she wouldn't want you to be so traumatised that it affects your quality of life now.  Counselling to understand that what happened to her isn't necessarily going to happen to you has got to be the best way to honour your Mum's memory, hasn't it? 

Lesley x