Mum has cancer

Hi I am so sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis and all the worry that goes along with it for her, for you, and the rest of the family. There is a wealth of experience and knowledge on this forum so you have come to the right place for support. I have had an experience not unlike your mum's (different type of breast cancer though, mine was invasive ductal). It was a 2.6cm lump which they didn't think was in the nodes initially (clear on ultrasound and on MRI) but when they did the mastectomy, they took 5 nodes and found it in 3 of them. I was terrified of it being in the nodes as I had heard horror stories about it and I fell apart when they told me. However, just because it is in the nodes (or at the moment just 1 node in your mum's case - it may turn out not to spread to any more), that does not mean it will necessarily have gone anywhere else. The nodes are there to do a job, they are usually in a chain and would try to catch the cancer cells as they go along the chain if you see what I mean. So, it may be that it has only got as far as the first lymph node. They can find out when they analyse the remaining lymph nodes when they do the clearance. I also had a lymph node clearance. Thankfully they could not find it in any more nodes. As it is unknown whether the odd cancer cell may have escaped lymph node defences, chemo is often (not always, depends on the individual case) recommended to attempt to neutralise any "escapees"!  I can understand why chemo scares you. It scared me. However when I actually started it, there was so much support from friends and family, nurses, doctors, oncology helpline and this forum, I found I could get through it. I know someone whose mum went through chemo for BC in her 80's a few years ago and is currently doing fine!

Try not to worry too much (easier said than done) if they ask your mum to have full body CT scans and bone scans because this is often the protocol when cancer is found in the nodes. They just want the full picture before starting the rest of the treatment plan. It must be worrying that the surgery is a bit delayed but they will be doing what is best for your mum in view of the swelling she has. 

The lymph node clearance is often more of an invasive surgery than the mastectomy and may leave your mum with more upper arm pain and numbness but over time this will usually greatly diminish and is not something to worry too much about. I have ended up with quite bad cording but this is more annoying than severe and I do have a very good range of arm and shoulder movement (I have just gone back to playing tennis a year after surgery and can still serve - at one point I thought I would never be able to due to the surgery - a small thing but shows that range of movement and strength can return!). 

There are lots of us on this site who have been through similar to your mum and are here to tell the tale and give support so check in anytime and someone will be here to lend an ear.

Sending you and your mum a virtual hug.

x

Hi @picturethis2 

Thank you for the thorough message. It's nice to hear all the positive experience, I have found that it always helps but I still go into a dark hole every couple of days! She had a CT and bone scan. The bone scan was all clear, we haven't got the CT scan results yet. 

I am a little worried that this implant may be an infection and that freaks her out too, but I am just praying for the best. 

It's strange you say the lymph node clearance is more invasive, I thought the same but then her surgeon said it's less than the mastectomy. Did you do any exercise except what your team advised you on doing? My mum is also fit, she can't sit down. She only had her mastectomy on the 13th August and she can't stop doing light housework, it's frustrating that she is trying to be ok rather than recover!! 

Totally understand the chemo may be not be as scary as it always seems, I know it freaks me out because someone I know whose cancer was very severe had chemo and watching him deteriorate killed me. And all I have is flashes of my mum getting worse and worse. Do you have any tips for preparing yourself for the chemo? I keep trying to look into it for her, but I don't know if I am making it into too much of a big deal or if I should prep some things in advance. I really want her to stay as "normal" as possible whilst having her treatment by doing the usual activities we do.

Really good to hear you've got back into your tennis and staying active, I am sure your arm/shoulder movement will only get better and better over time.

x

Yes its very understandable that your mood be greatly affected by this . I do really empathise with you and your family. Its such a tough time. The cancer has been found though and your mum is already on the road to recovery. The clearance may not reveal any more cancer in the nodes. Best of luck for the CT scan results. That is fantastic news about the bone scan.  if there is an infection try not to worry because she is on the antibiotics and they are managing it. 

I was told by nurses that the ANC is a bit more invasive than the mx. I think its not because its a bigger operation (its usually quicker I think) but because it affects the lymphatic system and may have a higher risk of lymphodema, cording, pain etc but it is all manageable and some people have minimal issues after the op.

it must have been so difficult for you seeing your friend so poorly on the chemo. Everyone's experience is individual . Mine was not pleasant but not too horrendous either. Some people deal with chemo really well though. There is a thread on the BC forum home page for the September Chemo Club. There are loads of hints and tips there so would recommend you take a look and maybe post there if you like, for online support through your mum's chemo. I do have lots of tips for you, but I know there is a huge amount of information on that thread so I don't want to bombard you too much with info. Your help will be invaluable to your mum and keeping a sense of normality I am sure will help her greatly. If she can manage to keep a certain level of activity , even just pottering around the house/garden, that will help. I also took the opportunity to watch a lot of brilliant films and TV dramas that I normally don't give myself the time to watch. It was a really good distraction! I ate what I felt like eating because I suffered with sickness - but again some people have minimal sickness.

Sending best wishes x