Treatment life alongside family life!

Kimbo56 As someone who had Cancer treatment years ago, including Chemo and Radiotherapy. Yes it can feel like you are living a Double life! 
I chose to go to things alone, as I was single and living in London while my family were in Devon. However I think even on the odd occasion that my mum did come to an appointment with me, we were never truly together! Now I know that sounds odd. But let me try and explain! We were never in the same head space! She was seeing it from the point of view as a mother watching her daughter go through treatment and coping with all the worries that go with that. I was dealing with the treatment, the side effects, the fears and the protecting of family.....smiling through everything, because I didn’t want anyone to worry!

I remember saying to my counsellor once that I felt like there were 2 worlds running along side each other. The Cancer world, which I lived in and the ‘normal’ world, where all my family and friends lived. Although we could see each other I never truly felt part of their world! Cancer affects us all very differently and for most of us it’s the scariest thing we have ever had to deal with. I think whether your family can be part of that journey or not, they will never truly understand how it feels and so we will always have some sort of feeling we are living 2 seperate lives!

But maybe that’s a good thing! I know for me, going home to visit and switching on that happy face gave me time away from those scary thoughts! It was very lonely at times.....until I met my Mac friends! This is where Mac online became a life saver, finally having that place to share any scary thoughts, with the only people who could truly understand! 
So long as you have support when you need it, I think living 2 parallel lives is okay and yes very normal. With or without the extra issues of Covid. Sal xxx

Hi Kimbo56, I think you’ve expressed just how I have felt throughout my cancer ‘experiences’, from diagnosis through to current ongoing hormone treatment. I didn’t have chemo but went alone mostly to radiotherapy sessions (pre Covid) and generally made light of it all, particularly to my family. I think it’s a mixture of wanting to protect them, especially my kids, even though they’re grown up, and also not wanting cancer to intrude on my family life. And as LondonLass has said so well, shutting it out to have ‘normal’ happy times is also very important to me. Separate lives/ parallel worlds - yes definitely feel that way. And again Sal’s point re this site, really is a lifeline, particularly in these times, when the face to face support is pretty much gone. I remember my first visit to the Maggie’s centre, bursting into tears after about two sentences, and the lovely support worker saying’You don’t have to pretend here’. I hadn’t really thought that I’d been pretending but she was so right. And same with this site. 
Thanks for starting the thread, it’s verbalised a lot of what I’ve felt. HFxx

Thank you for answering and your thoughts on the subject! Xx 

Thank you for replying, it’s so good to know others feel the same xx 

I've just come home from a radiotherapy planning session, breath hold, tattooing and then had to have some blood taken which is a challenge after six months of chemo as my veins are hardened. And yes I felt very alone. Six weeks ago I had my third surgery, a mastectomy and diep flap reconstruction. My partner dropped me at the door of the hospital and picked me up five days later. Nobody saw me in the immediate aftermath of this major surgery, I arrived home and there you go Mum's back, everything's fine!

The weird thing with this cancer business is that I've never been ill with cancer, just been made to feel awful by chemo, three surgeries and now setting off on 15 sessions of solitary radio. And everyone thinks I'm over it now cos I've got some new hair but I feel I'm only just beginning to process what's happened...think I might head to Maggie's when I'm next at the hospital.

Kimbo56 as a visitor from another group (rectal) I noticed your question and was intrigued as this is something I totally agree with. Its like a select group that you don't want to join and is totally alien to your old life. Unfortunately I have to add that catching covid is exactly the same parallel universe. Hope your treatment goes well. Take care.

Hi , just wanted to reach out to you and remind you that you are NOT completely alone! We might only be in the virtual world but we can be there when you need us just by picking up your phone! So here’s

just to show you that someone cares and someone knows exactly how you are feeling! As for breath holding Radiotherapy, any questions you might have please feel free to ask. As someone who had 30 sessions of it (the norm in 2014) I’m pretty expert on the subject
As for the only just coming to terms with it all. Very normal! I actually didn’t really come to terms with it all until about a year after my treatment was over! Well the main treatment, I was still on Tamoxifen which created more issues for me! Only then did I really allow myself to admit how scared I had been and how angry I was at myself, others and of course the Cancer itself.

You know it’s okay to feel however you need to feel. There are no rights and wrongs in all this. But allowing yourself a safe place to let out these feelings is REALLY important. The Maggies centre is a very good place to start, they are amazing. I only use the online side of it now as I have moved away from London now and we don’t have a Centre nearby. However we do have a Force Centre which is amazing too.

I would recommend looking into their counselling sessions. As someone who has always coped on their own and never needed anyone’s help, I can honestly say this is one journey that I definitely needed help with to process! I realise now, after many many months of counselling, just how much Cancer had impacted my life! 
Not everyone needs counselling some people just need to chat to someone freely and in confidence. But IF you think it might help then I would say, give it a go! 
Wishing you all the best my lovely. Take Care and remember, you have a lot of people here who are ready to hold your hand and listen to you whenever you need them. Sal xxx