Doubts setting in

Owwww FroggyinFrance, I can't fully relate, but, I can in a way, I am a 'larger' lady and had lumpectomy and the difference does take some getting use to.... and why because we are thrown into this, no time to think, just handed the rollercoaster ride ticket and off we go.  

I think the GP and his words are terrible - absolute disgusting.  Maybe, he is a temporary doctor, or newly qualified or due to retire.... hopefully they is an excuse for his behaviour .... if not, well, in honesty if there is no chance of you seeing him again - then I would mention it to receptionist, saying he is not patient friendly.  So, no, not oversensitive - he was just very insensitive.

Coming back to you, my thoughts of why you are feeling like this.... you have gone though so much, push in at the deep end, spend weeks and months getting to grips with what is/has gone on, start to feel a little settled and then guess what...... Your subconscious is working overtime for you, without you even knowing it...... you brain has already decided to start triggering your anxiety and worry, you mind knows you will be approaching the '12 month marker' - your 1st Anniversary and my goodness, this time can be terrible - we mainly associate anniversary's with happy times, celebrations.... but for many on here, it is the start of the 'processing what has gone on over the past twelve months' - the reliving the diagnosis, the shock, the worry, the treatment, the comming to grips with it all and trying to move forward.... whilst quietly in the wings this is waiting.

You have come so far in this time, you really have, no one will ever understand the feelings when them words are spoken - no one except us, and my goodness them words and that feeling well be with us, I think, forever, we just a way and strength to move forward.

Don't let doubts creep in, you are doing so well, you read me words and truly think of the person I am talking to and realise how brave you have had to be, how far you have come, all that you have had done, this lovely lady needs some credit and respect for what you have gone though, whilst trying to hold everything together.  Don't be hard on yourself.  You have got thought this - so what if you have a flat boob - that flat boob is part of your life - and most of all 'it is up to you' - if you want flat - you be flat, we each have our own feelings on what we do.  So, if you are flat and content, then that is it .... stay with what is right for you.  

Don't waist anymore time with how this insensitive man spoke.  You just remember you have come though the other side, smile and be happy for you - Well Done Froggy  Sending big hugs and loads of love and two fingers to the GP 

I forgot, this might help too.....

Hi FroggyinFrance, .................. words failed me when I first read your post. I’m saddened that anyone medical would come out with such utter claptrap (trying not to swear, but really want to!). It sounds like the type of view from 50 years ago, I cannot believe he actually said these words!! 
Lovely lady, please try to wipe his nonsense from your mind, the man is beneath contempt. Talking about feeling less feminine - what the f*** does he know about that?? He’s a man!! I would consider making a complaint. He’s undermined you, caused you to doubt your previous decisions, and none of this is helpful for you, medically or emotionally. Quite a dangerous man really, such outdated views and so inappropriate for him to have been expressing them in that situation. Really beggars belief. 
It sounds like you took your decisions in a completely informed way, everyone is different when it comes to whether they go for reconstruction or not. The only thing that matters is that it’s the right decision for that individual. What nobody needs is some upstart questioning that choice and on such ridiculous grounds. 
I hope you’re starting to realise that nothing has changed for you so you can feel confident again with the choices you made. You got your ‘permission’ for the part time working so that’s what matters, and it’s far more important to focus on that. 
Sending a big virtual hug over the channel to you, and a huge virtual bag of poo to Dr Idiot!! HFxx

Hi FroggyinFrance

Ouch!!!! what an awful man!  

I used to go horse riding in France a lot for about a decade -(haven't been for about a decade now either) and the lady I initially booked the holiday with was with a Frenchman as his girlfriend.  He had a herd of horses and she had a gite and was English, so they combined and set up a horse riding business.

One year we went and they seemed to spend their whole time arguing (they were a 'perfect couple' and he was so supportive of her 9 year old daughter with homework etc etc).  We became firm friends with this lady and I visited on other occasions too as a friend later. Anyway, after we'd finished the week of horse riding and were sat having dinner (he'd gone to his house in the city) she confessed that he'd had another woman the whole time that they'd been together and told us it was "normal with French men", but she'd made it clear at the outset that she wouldn't accept it and she had insisted on exclusivity.  He was a lovely guy - we got on fab with him too, so it was very sad that they split up.  

What I'm trying to say is that I was astounded when she told me it was normal with French men that they should consider it ok to have 2 women on the go.  Whether it's true or not, it does seem as if  some French men have very outdated and chauvinistic views - including the doctor you saw!  And if you can, put it down to that - he's a male chauvinistic pig!  If you met someone like that when you were fully clothed and he told you that a women's place is at the kitchen sink, what would you think?  I'm sure you'd think "you absolute outdated xxxx - get in the real world!" and I would urge you to think the same of this doctor, because that's just what he is.  Take no heed and be the strong women that you undoubtedly are.

Lesley x

You are so right about reliving it allWhatHappened I am coming up to the date of my mammo when it all kicked off last year and I keep thinking to myself about this time last year. Feels like there is so definitely a before and an after, as if before was a time of innocence and then IT happened, so I probably saw this guy at a bad time for me anyway. Thanks for the support - so good to know people here will understand.

Oh how truly insensitive of him! You’ve come such a huge way, and you certainly don’t need talk like that in your life! What a prat! (Hope that’s allowed on here, it’s the mildest I could think of!) 

reconstruction of any type is YOUR decision and yours alone! It certainly doesn’t need to have been spelt out by someone who doesn’t live in your body! 
yes I had an implant at my Mx op, it was what I wanted, surgeon was happy to do it. And no it doesn’t look like the other side when I’m nude, but it’s fine clothed. My surgeon (and the plastics specialist too) said that at any time in the future if I wanted things changed I only had to ask and they would put me on a list!.

sending you a huge comforting hug xxx

Hi FroggyinFrance

From a male perspective, I was appalled to read about your experience.  It shouldn't be the case, as he should get feedback, but Ignore this insensitive dinosaur's stupid comments.

I don't know if you are aware but medicine attracts a larger share of insensitive and non-empathetic narcissists. 

https://www.quora.com/Why-are-so-many-doctors-narcissists

As a couple, we have met a few over the years, both male and female.  Unfortunately, we are bound to meet them from time to time when we use medical facilities because they tend to be over-represented in this profession.

The best we can do is be alert to these types and avoid them when we can.  It is such a difference to meet a 'nice' invested and empathetic doctor.

Put your negative experience down to your unfortunate meeting with a doctor who has NDO.  They may be thinner on the ground but there are nice ones out there.  Seek them out if you can.  They are important to our ongoing wellbeing.

I would like a system where doctors are given fair and honest reviews by their patients as per other services we receive in the community.

For a catharsis, you could write him a letter.  

As for your reconstruction, do what is right for you.

Best wishes

Dedalus

Hi FroggyinFrance

Your doc sounds like a merde! Please do not take any notice of what the idiot said, I personally feel no less feminine with just the one knocker and if anyone is bothered then they can jolly well clear off (and that's putting it mildly).

Sorry you've had to go through this experience, you're deffo not being over-sensitive, I would quite possibly be speechless if the same happened to me (and that takes some doing).  On the plus side we all understand the turmoil in your head - and its not to be taken lightly.  Don't let this experience impact your decision flat/reconstruction or whatever...it should be what you want not impacted by the ridiculous opinion of someone who doesn't know you at all.

Hope you can forget this regrettable incident and move on.

Sam

Thank you everyone. I have just re read all your comments and it really does give me the energy I need. Today is my Mammo anniversary day and I am « celebrating » it by starting a new pilates class and I shall be proudly amazon style with my one boob and flat on the other side. I have moved on from what the cruddy Dr said. Working towards the positives in the future and not looking back to the negatives in the past. Happy September 3rd to everyone

Hope all goes well today, remember we are here for you if and whenever you need! 
Hugs xxx