Hi all
I am on here most days but have only posted once before months ago, I find the information really helpful and the support everyone offers is amazing. Why don’t I post? No idea really in the beginning just went with it, surgery, chemo perhaps I thought I was superwomen 
I stated chemo way back in February, had 4 EC three weekly no real side effects, no sickness, some fatigue but got through it. Took advice from here and had my hair cut short, then as it started coming out in week 3 of first EC in patches had it all off. That was hard but you do as many have said get used to your new look? Well sort off.
At beginning of May started 12 weekly sessions of Paxitaxol, and 3 weekly Herceptin- finding this set of chemo much harder than EC, don’t know why thought it would be easier! New annoying side effect of nosebleeds but coping with that. However each week I get myself in a tizzy not sure whether it is the pre drugs, steriods, antihistamines, Zantac, and something else they give me 30 minutes before chemo but I find every week gets harder like I have ants in my pants and want to run from the room! Longest hour of my life once the chemo it set up not to count the 5-10 minutes for the flush afterwards, never felt so out of control and I suppose the word is ‘anxious’ before but each week I get myself into the same state.
I live on my own very independent and hate feeling a burden, with Covid I have only left house for chemo and line flush each week so pretty isolating but have been doing ok, but miss contact with family and friends. All of a sudden I seem to have lost myself during all this.
Up until the 4th paxitaxol I have been driving myself to chemo but after a melt down with my son on the phone he has taken me for numbers 5 & 6. Not superwoman after all? Took me a while to realise I did not have to be.
Due for number 7 and 3rd Herceptin this week but last week came out with a rash on my hands, after last weeks chemo it got worse then at the weekend started to get numbness in my fingers and toes - so decision was made not to do number 7 this week or Herceptin, happy no chemo, sad no chemo my mind is a mess - oncologist on holiday until next week so feel in limbo, not sure what is going to happen next - will they stop chemo altogether, reduce dose, delay will mean it will go on longer ..... will the cancer come back if they do...... my mind won’t stop.
Rash still there, numbness still there feeling less like superwoman everyday, in fact feel a melt down coming?
So here I am just wanting to share with you all, as it may help someone else, who like me read everyone’s posts and story’s and get so much from them, but find it hard to reach out.
Thanks for all the information and advice - it really makes a difference
Ally. ( not superwomen)
