A year and a bit

Hi Lucy when you look back it's unbelievable how we coped and how we now share others anxieties.  

I remember about 15 years ago at the school gates I offered my condolences to another mother who had lost her mother.  Not really sure what I said but she said thank you and I can see you really understand as your words were so comforting and asked when I lost my mother !  I got so emotional just then saying to her that it was about 17 years before.  You never forget and it always comes back with emotion when you think about that time.  The same is true with being told you have cancer. You find yourself wanting to hug and support people newly diagnosed while at the same time feeling it all come rushing back.   I don't think we ever truly get over being told we HAD cancer .

I hope you get some rest tonight xx

Also check in to Awake thread of you can't sleep!  People often post when they also have late night gremlins !

Thanks for your reply Carol.

I didn’t realise how difficult it would be to support my friend. It’s really left me in turmoil. 

Before my op I was completely numb with shock and full of anxiety. But post op the emotions came flooding out and haven’t stopped. Just thinking about different times over that year I can remember exactly how I felt and I find that really upsetting. It feels as raw and painful as it did when I was going through it.

Thanks for the heads up about the awake thread. I’ve looked through briefly but wasn’t sure what it was about xx 

Hi Lucy .  Someone said to me that being told you have cancer causes you to grieve for the life you had before cancer and we suddenly realise what the big issues are in life.  I think after the initial shock you then go into the dreaded  waiting period to find out a treatment plan.  Then there is the relief at finding out they have a plan you just want to get on with it as you want it gone .  All this adrenaline keeps you going and then when it's done you finally allow yourself to take stock and the emotions either flow or you lock them down too tightly.  

You will find that you can support your friend.  Best thing you can do is point her in direction of this forum for her questions that she might not want to ask in person 

The awake thread is about nothing.  You can join in from last post no need to read back .  Xx

The Awake thread is about those times in the middle of the night when you think you are all alone and the only one awake and ____________. You can fill in the blank with however you feel. Sad, angry, scared, lonely, ill or even happy. It has been a lifeline for loads of us who have been laid awake through the night needing to interact with someone but sensible people are asleep.

There are times going through this process, sometimes it almost feels like a production line, when the people close are not what you need. What you need is someone who has been there and definitely worn the t shirt. Inevitably that seems to be in the middle of the night. So you shout out and more often than not someone is there, laid awake just like you. 

So what happens if no one is awake? Surprisingly it still works because sending the e mail helps. Writing down how you feel, all the worries and woes. You can be honest too. There's no " I'm fine" it's where you can say exactly how you feel, without worrying about upsetting anyone and you will be listened to. That is surprisingly cathartic. When the world wakes up or maybe a little later in the night someone will listen and help even if it's just say " I know how you feel" and they really do.

Sometimes the thread bobs along without a care in the world but it is always ready to catch you if you are falling.

I hope it's not too warm to have a hug.

It’s absolutely normal for you to feel this way, it’s because you are a beautiful caring person who feels for everyone and this has to have an impact on you too,  I’ve emailed you Lucy,

much love xxx