I don’t know what to do

Hi ,

Am sorry your mum is in this situation . No doubt there will be others in touch but all of us here know what it is like to have a cancer diagnosis. It is such a shock and I remember when I was diagnosed just sheer panic. You have come to the right place and hopefully your mum will join the forum too as it’s full of peoples experiences, can answer questions and give reassurance.

What you will find out is that there are a few different types of breast cancer and each person is treated in the best way for them. 
I too was diagnosed with grade 3 breast cancer. I know aggressive sounds awful but my understanding is that means the cancer is active and growing and it’s just a term that is used. That was me too. Many ladies have a mastectomy very soon after diagnosis and many on this forum have had this. It’s good that things are happening quickly and just think once your mum has had the op the cancer will be gone. Then the next steps in treatment is to stop it ever coming back. Radiotherapy is generally the last step of treatment. 
You ask what you can do. Just be there for your mum. It’s really good she has shared this with you and it’s good you can talk about things. And you have taken the first step already by coming here.

Everyones treatment is different but I can tell you about mine. After diagnosis I was asked to have lots of tests. This sounds scary but it’s so the doctors can find out exactly what is happening and match the treatment to the findings. I had ct scans, bone scans, liver scans, chest scans etc. In my case after the test results I had chemotherapy first and after that I had surgery. After I had recovered from that I had radiotherapy.

Once your mum has started the treatment it’s always easier as at first there is such a lot of waiting . I always felt confident in my team and felt they were treating me to achieve the best results- to blast the cancer cells and prevent it ever returning. They do try their best. Not sure if you have  a breast care nurse contact as yet but you will get a contact number soon. Don’t be afraid to ask lots of questions. 
Hopefully more people will be along but hope that is a bit reassuring. 
Your mum is lucky to have you and you will both get through this together. You are both stronger than you think.

All the best to you and your Mum.

Jojodot X

Hello,

I am sorry that you and your mum have found yourselves here but you are welcome. Hopefully you will find the support and answers to your many questions that you need.

There is so much to take in when you are first diagnosed .....not least all the complicated terminology .

Let's start with the' aggressive'.I know how worried that is making you feel. My own cancer was diagnosed as this because most cancers are diagnosed as this. It doesn't necessarily have the same interpretation as aggressive in other uses. I am not a doctor but I believe it refers to the fact that it will spread if left untreated rather than it will spread by tomorrow. 

There is a very good sign in the paragraph you wrote ' told that it has been caught early'. So many breast cancers respond well to treatment when they are found early. Mine was found early too. Having a mastectomy will remove all the cancer from the breast. The node removal.....probably only the sentinel to start with.....will show the doctors if anything has spread so that they can treat that too.

I don't know the significance of grade 3 I'm afraid. Doctors keep changing their references. My cancer was in 2015. It was levels then but I am certain I have read that there is a  grade 4 which is obviously more advanced than 3. 

You will know more accurately once the tumour is removed and analysed.  My protocol was only decided after that analysis.  My tumour was small and in a good position for a lumpectomy. 

Don't worry too much that your mother isn't advised radiotherapy.  Not all treatments are given these days as analysis is more accurate and treatments personalised. My sister recently was treated with just a lumpectomy and some follow on drugs.

I have almost reached the five year mark for recovery which is considered good for the type of cancer I had and which probably means it won't return. Your mother has a lot to hope for too.

I expect the next stage will be with someone who will explain to you what happens during the operation and recovery stage. Write down as many things as you can think of over the intervening days to ask as questions or as you think about them, ask on this site. Some one will have shared your situation and be able to help you.

A lumpectomy is a little different from a mastectomy and feelings may differ. Does your mum use a computer or smart phone?.Perhaps she would like to chat herself?

 I hope everything goes well for your mother. With the loss of your father and the anxiety from Covid19, she could certainly have done without this additional concern but she has a lovely daughter who loves and cares about her so she won't have to deal with this on her own.

Take care. Continue to stay safe.

Love Karen

You will find a lot of support on here .Ladies at all different stages of treatment.

The operation is often done as a day case or sometimes one night  and tends not to be too bad .

The breast nurses are very supportive .

I don’t think they can be sure in regards to grade until histology checked so hope it’s a bit better than they initially think

You have been through so much as a family .Sending virtual Hugs .

You have been incredibly brave just to start your post and to ‘speak’ for yourself and your mum and all that you are worried about is a huge step....

The start of any journey is difficult, and this one is full of complications...er+, pr+, her-/+, grade this or that...high risk, low risk...you name it....one of us has been through it! 

My advice? Try and just breathe. There is so much to take in but.......the most important thing I found helpful was being able to share a little of what I was going through. I’ll be honest with you, the gorgeous people on here have really helped....I sometimes wasn’t sure which way to turn but....I have posted on here regularly just when I needed a bit of support....

I know it’s hard, but please shout if you just need a helping hand....we are here....night or day.

Thank you for taking the time to reply, it is greatly reassuring to read about your experience and I am grateful that you have been able to share it.

All the best to you as well

Mallow

Thank you for taking the time to reply and thank you for sharing your experiences. It is greatly reassuring to read. 
All the best to you.

Mallow

Sorry everyone, I’m not used to posting on forums.

I just want to say how incredibly grateful I am that you have taken the time to offer me words of advice and comfort.

My mum isn’t very good with new things, she’s got her own comfort zone on her Facebook so I hope that she has such nice people on there as I have found on here, you are all incredible women, not only for battling this horrible illness but for coming on here and helping other people. I think for now we will take things one day at a time.

Love and best wishes to you all.