Struggling

Hello

I do have family and friends but it's hard with covid for them to come round. I'm very upset by the way hes treated me. My mum said today! "Get rid of this disease you have then get rid of the other disease in your life and move on" 

Love julie x

Hello Julie Charlieandlola,

I am sorry for all you are going thought, it's bad enough in lets say 'normal' circumstances, but to have this going on with your husband along with the covid situation - no wonder you are struggling.

Deep Breaths....

You can and will get through this.  'You' have come so far already - you have finished chemo massive well done.  The rest, in my opinion will be a doddle for you.  

Mentally you are going to feel and will be worn out.  In every relationship when one has cheated the other has the pain - so in my mind your husband 'thinks' he's in control of his feelings and what he has done..... You on the other hand (sorry for this) will be hurting like hell with what he has done and on top of this your diagnosis and treatment plan. I hate to say this, but I am going to, your husband might just think he is on to a winner - you will be there for him because 'you love him and need him'......

WRONG YOU DON'T NEED HIM!! ...... You have found us now and together we are an amazing bunch - You can do this.... no struggling.

My thoughts.... concentrate on yourself, if he won't go, plan what you want - you have plenty of time to think this through.  First get the operation out of the way, if it truly is a 'no way back' then do all of this on your own - you don't need him and you don't want to 'need him for the sake of wanting to get him to want you .... if this makes sense.

Take this from someone that had never had to stop in hospital or had any major surgery..... I felt a bit of a fraud following my operation - lumpectomy with combined radiotherapy.  I think I read you said you are having a lumpectomy - if all goes to plan you should be in and out the same day, maybe an overnight stay dependant on when they do the operation. Recovery pain is virtually none, none in what your mind will let you begin to think you will have.  Over the counter painkillers should be the most you will need and in truth you might not need them.  You will have two incisions, one for the lumpectomy and one for the nodes.... the nodes area is the one that caused me pain - it was a strange pain, not a pain - more like a 'sore' feeling and just when you think I can't stand this I'm having a painkiller - it then will subside.

After operation, don't push yourself the first few days, don't get me wrong you will feel that you can, but don't - so as not to delay your recovery, take things easy - but do the gentle exercises they tell you to do (fingers walking up the wall up to your shoulder, etc). 

Remember to although, hopefully you will be feeling fine - remember you will of have major surgery - so be kind to yourself and don't push yourself. 

If your husband shows no compassion or care to you - then you seriously think what advice you would give anyone of your new found friends on here how give the same story ..... if he shows you no care ... then you have to find out the best way to move forward 'without him - you are worth more than this'.

Sending love and hugs - owww if you have any problems sleeping lookout for the 'AWAKE' thread, we are all in and out of there day and night sharing all kinds of stories, life's events, appointments, results, etc. - come on in and have a chat and if you need a virtual buddy to be with you during your operation ask LondonLass if Lucky Pants is available ....he is a great and takes your mind off all that is going on.

YOU CAN DO THIS!! 

xxx

Our darling girL

I can say no more 

We will always always help you every which way.

Londonlass is amazing

message her please xxxxx 

Hi Julie Charlieandlola, what an awful situation to find yourself in whilst going through the most frightening thing in your life, I really feel for you, but honestly you have gone through the chemo and nailed it, the surgery will be a doddle for you, you wont need him to help you.

if you ever need to talk/vent we are hear for you. 

Hi Julie @charlieandlola

I have just read all your posts and the replies. How awful for you.  Please  please, please dont feel you are alone. Talk to us anytime. There is always someone available to give help and support but more importantly that very needed hug xxxx

You have had some really great replies,  please keep in touch.

Linda x

Hello Linda 

Thank you for your message and hug. Its difficult at the moment!  I need to focus on myself then I will have to deal with him

Julie xx

Hi Charlieandlola Julie

just wanted to say good luck with you operation today. Hope it goes well. Focus on yourself for the time being .

Take care

Linda x

Hi Charlieandlola/Julie,

I too wish you good luck with your operation.

Take care, stay safe

Hi charlieandlola

Big hugs - today is all about you. Lots of ladies have said to make your consultant team aware of your situation and I think that’s sound advice. You may get a little more time in hospital and the care you deserve. Just focus on you lovely - the nurses will be fantastic and take great care of you xxxx 

Hi Charlieandlola,

Hope I'm not too late to send you lots of hugs for your operation today. I will have you in my thoughts xxx