Hi, I feel really ungrateful even mentioning this, I don’t mean to be, but I found out that the results of my recent mastectomy (3 April) and a recent CT scan show I am now in remission. I need further chemo and radiotherapy, but can’t help but feel I should be feeling happier than I am. I just feel empty. Is this normal? Everything went wrong during treatment and I have not long been out of hospital as I got an abscess beneath my new mastectomy scar. I am still in unbelievable pain and everything seems to be taking twice as long to heal.
Hi , firstly I wanted to ask you a question! Why do you think you should feel Happier?
You’ve been diagnosed with Breast Cancer and had a breast removed, you had an abscess, you are in pain, you are still healing, you have Chemo and Radiotherapy ahead of you and there is a virus going around that means you are stuck inside without visitors being allowed!!
Now let’s look at the positives (in your words) CT scan shows you are in remission!
Now don’t get me wrong a clear CT scan is fantastic news BUT it certainly doesn’t outweigh all the crap that you have been through and continue to go through. So please don’t go giving yourself a hard time because you think you should be happier!
There is plenty of time to ‘celebrate’ or at least come to terms with positive news, when all this is over! But right now you need to concentrate on getting through things a day at a time!
Firstly could I suggest you speak to your GP or Surgeon, via your BCN about pain medication! There is no reason for you to be in a lot of pain. You need to find pain meds that will relieve the pain, so you can relax and sleep so your body can concentrate on healing!
You have a long road ahead of you. If you think about it as one big chunk it will just seem never ending. So try taking things one step at a time. You have had the surgery, tick! Now you must concentrate on recovering from it, which includes getting the correct meds to make you as comfortable as possible.
Then you will move on to Chemo/Rads, but not until you have your previous tick!
You will find if you break things down into chunks, hopefully you will a bit less overwhelmed and a little more in control of your feelings! You can allow yourself to be ‘happy’ that the scan is clear. But you won’t be truly happy until the treatment is ‘all’ done and you can then really start to heal and start feeling those emotions again!
But it will take time Hun, as has already been said even a year on you might still be struggling with your emotions! But learning to accept that these emotions will change day by day and allowing that to happen and accepting that that is okay, will make your life a lot easier!
Emotions can be hard to deal with at the best of times! But drop a Cancer diagnosis into the mix and it’s like letting off a bomb! Your emotions will be all over the place! WHICH IS PERFECTLY NORMAL! There are no right and wrong ways to feel! You feel however you need to feel and don’t try to justify why you feel a certain way. This is a bloody hard time that you are going through and there will be many more tears of fear and laughter along the way! So just accept them! Be kind to yourself! Look after yourself!
You WILL get through this Hun and one day you WILL find that Happy place again! Eventually this will all become a distant memory and you WILL get to move forward! But right now accept how you are feeling and try and deal with the things that are within your control, like the pain! Let the feelings that are out of your control take a backseat!
I promise you, no one who has been through Cancer would be expecting you to be Happy right now! Relieved that the scan was clear Yes! But happy!! Not so much!
Sending you a gentle.....
Take care Hun. Look after yourself and Be Kind to yourself. Sal xxx
