Breast recon appt * not constructive...got told to shush*

Hi

I've not had reconstruction following my mastectomy so I cant advise on it.  But, I know where you are coming from with the asking questions and it not being liked by your Consultant, my Surgeon once told me "you are overthinking, wanting to know too much and need to let it go". This week I was told I would be 2 years in July and I need to move forward, yes, I agree I need to move forward but its bit by bit for me and I believe I've made good strides, he obviously feels differently, I actually wondered if he is so used to some ladies not questioning him that he finds it a challenge.  Having worked as a Social Worker in Hospital settings and going on Ward Rounds with them, I know some Consultants really don't like patients asking too much but as we are all individuals its going to happen.

I think if you are the type who likes to know detail ask away! 

Also, I don't think they all adhere rigidly to the NICE Guidleines, that's why in some units ladies are scanned more and some have lymph clearance when others don't. Mine adheres rigidly to the guidelines. 

Good luck in April with your check up. 

You are totally correct!  My consultant likes to be the only one talking and he hates being questioned.

I know it's been two years but i thought about it....so i asked it.

I got fed up though when he kept shushing me like i was a naughty school girl talking without putting my hand up, so i gave up asking him.

xx

I guess I’m lucky, I got the attitude of ‘it’s my body so I want to know’ accepted by all the surgeons I’ve seen so far. 

Ive has experience of a top haematologist too (daughters consultant) who respected questions, in fact was astonished about my research when I asked about a totally novel treatment. 

I guess sometimes consultants can just be a bit threatened if we ask too much. 

Hugs xxx

Your treatment is shocking , rude and uncaring ! Have you got a breast care nurse ? Do they not understand the emotional

long term effects , you are entitled to " care " , physical and emotional , Have you thought about changing doctors or going to PALS ?

Have you read the article by Peter Harvey on line , he understands the long term effects and might help you state your case …….anyway , he should not shush you , answer his phone or dismiss you looking for support from us !!!  I understand it is hard to question them , but this is your body and your health …..good luck and best wishes

Thanks puzzler,

My breast care nurse is not someone i like to go to if i can help it.....she is not compassionate.....she is very harsh with her tone, manner and the way she speaks to you. 

To her you are a statistic.

It's like trying to have a heart to heart with Mrs Trunchbull.

I may think about PALS after appointment in April......it's just that i've got used to the harsh un caring nature of certain members of my breast care unit that it just doesnt surprise me any more.

xx

Hi Lucy-B, I think my jaw dropped when I read your post! But sadly I think not uncommon from surgeons - being handy with a knife (and I’m being flippant but do appreciate the surgery I’ve had) doesn’t always come with communication skills and empathy. I’ve found my current surgeon brusque and quite defensive, definitely find the bc nurses helpful though. And it does seem something of a lottery re which tests and scans are given. The comment about belonging to online forums is hilarious, if also insulting! Why on earth shouldn’t we know about practices in other areas, and even other countries, quite apart from the huge support we provide to each other?! Oh well we’ll keep communicating, comparing and contrasting, and hopefully be able to question when we need to - I admit I’m the worst wimp in these situations and tend to scuttle away, wishing afterwards that I’d asked more. So well done at least for asking....

And yes , the Peter Harvey article should be required reading for all professionals dealing with cancer patients. I go back to it from time to time as it just ‘says it all’ so well. HFxx

Hi HappyFeet1

Yep totally agree that some people lack certain communication skills and empathy.

And oh yes we will all totally carry on communicating and sharing info and support and knowledge.......these forums are a god send.

It's like anything....some people are lucky and get really caring teams.

Normally i don't speak of how i get treated.....but it was the "shushing me" that had me like....did that really just happen? 

But yes it did.....3 times.

I know i'm lucky that i have been operated on and treated......and im grateful for that....but sometimes it just annoys me when i'm spoken to like an inconvenience.

xx

Hi Lucy-B I read your post with utter disbelief.

The Breast team/people are out of order and it is way past time someone told them that. They seem to have a bit of a god complex which I thought had been going from the NHS but it seems it remains alive and well. However, I would urge you to get in touch with the PALS whenever you feel ready as unless people like us tell people how awful their behaviour has been they will continue to do what they do and thats not acceptable. 

You are no ones inconvenience and the fact that you have been left feeling like that is disgraceful and I dont blame you at all for being annoyed Im furious for you just reading your post. 

Have you thought of having a chat with the Macmillan Line team and see what they could maybe tell you about your queries or they can advise re moving forward as it sounds like you could do with a more responsive and empathetic team around you. 08088080000.

Sending some huge big hugs your way meantime. xxxxx

Hi GRANNY59

I think i may contact PALS after usual yearly check up in April.....hopefully i see someone different in April.

It's just annoying.....to shush me from asking questions was a whole other level. It felt unreal.

I'm a go with the flow kind of gal.....but now i have time to look back and reflect on everything, the odd question or two pops into my mind about my journey.....so i decided to ask......but shush shush shush was not the answer i was looking for.

Sorry for moaning.....i know i'm lucky to have received life saving treatment and for that i am forever grateful....these people perform miracles....but to shush me was just rude.

xxxx

You are not moaning at all and they most definetely were rude. xxxx