Hi, after a biopsy I was told yesterday that I have breast cancer.
It's all a bit of a blur and although I had already convinced myself before it was diagnosed it was still a shock and I just broke down in the meeting room.
I have so much going through my head I can't sleep or stop crying.
I need to pull myself together. I've been told the cancer I have is very common (in the ducts) it's 3cms and in "early stages". They couldn't see any thing in the lymph nodes so think it's only in my left breast.
They are waiting for the results of the her2 and that will determine what treatment they start me on. However they have said it will be a combo of chemo and an op.
The options are to either have the op first and then chemo for approximately 16 weeks or chemo first to shrink the lump and then operate on what's left, if anything.
If they go the chemo route first then they want to put a marker in my breast so they can locate the lump if it shrinks.
However they have kind of left it to me to decide. They would prefer the chemo first option but I have never Done this before and don't know which way round is best.
My hubby thinks the chemo first like the docs want to do however I just want it out. The thought of it being and growing inside me makes me feel sick. But obviously I want to do the right thing.
In the meantime the hosp are arranging a CT scan, a ECG and I had blood taken yesterday whilst I was there.
They have said that there aren't enough beds in my hosp for the chemo so I'll have to go to Christies in Manchester but that's a hours drive a way.
They also want me to stop working whilst I'm having chemo, but I can't afford to do that. I'm reading so many terrible things about chemo and it's side effects it's scaring me. I'm lucky I work for a supportive company but I only get 1 week full pay and then go on to statutory. I'm going to cancel all my holiday time and hopefully use some of those days to cover any time off.
I'm hoping I can work between treatments.
The doctor seemed positive that it can be treated and cured but I'm only at the beginning of process and I'm not sure how I'm going to cope if on day 1 I'm a sobbing mess!
Hubby is being super strong and even asked his boss if he can go on shifts to earn more money, but we have debts and I'm worried about paying the min payments if I loose pay. Someone said as long as we pay the secured debt then things like loans and credit cards we can pay a token gesture for a few months.
It's all the unknown, I'm afraid it's spread and they will find it on the CT scan, im afraid of the side effects of the treatment, im worried about money etc it's only just begun!
Someone has said I'll have to get rid of my dog due to germs! I can't do that...thats just a straight no!
My mind is the problem at the moment, it's just not stopping. I have so many questions and worries I don't know where to begin.
Also... As I haven't rambled on enough! Last Aug I suffered from bilateral pulmonary embolism and have been on Warferin and now Apixaban ever since. They don't know if the clots were due to the cancer but at the time I didn't show any cancer symptoms or if the colts were a separate issue but now I'm worried it's affecting my lungs?
Good grief I'm a mess
