Not quite sure which way to turn...

Hi Galligirl

Snap ! I think most on this site will empathise with you . 
We stand back and the world and life goes on , we see others supposedly care free but then look at us - we will look like that too . 
The emotions of our cancer battle have been huge . But we are here , building our new normal life . I’m waiting in my 2nd year review and it all becomes real again . Once the next 2 months are over , hopefully I’ll get back to building this new normal life . 
I still have a wee cry in the shower but very seldom now. 
I have some very close friends who will listen to me and genuinely ask how I am . Also not so close friends are quite good to moan too as they don’t really know you and won’t dwell on what I say . I someone moans about being old and having aches and pains , I have actually said - oh you are lucky ! My short term goal is to collect my gov pension - still got 2 years ! Plus I have also said - gee hope I’m lucky to get old ! He he makes them stop and think .
I am busy trying to get proper fit and get down a size to 12/14 . Then plan holidays . 

treat yourself If you can , Ive found reflexology very nice , relaxing and it’s lovely having me time . 

remember you can speak to a lovely person on the helpline on here , you will feel the better for it 

well I’m off to sleep now , get my nails done tomorrow , not walking the mile into town as weather a bit wild. 

be good to yourself , get your beauty sleep and be ready to face the world in the morning 

love 

Ruby Rose  

Hi galligirl - I have just watched a couple of YouTube videos by a doctor called Gabor Mate. He talks about disease, the connection to experiences in childhood and subsequent personality formation and diseases like cancer  - he talks quite a bit in one of his lectures about breast cancer - it was a real eye opener for me! It was called ‘When the body says no...’ - you’re absolutely right about this shift inside you following this diagnosis. And the fact is that’s not a bad thing at all when you reflect on what he says. If you have time, it’s well worth a watch x

Oww Galligirl you are so right, we have changed and nothing will be the same.  We change from how we see life, from the way others see life.... they still see their life the same... just ticking or plodding along doing whatever it is they do.  I think we start to question everything we do, we value everything different - whilst they just carry on and thinking we should now be the same.... and we are not.

I have said this before, indirectly, we are the lucky ones - in a way we have had our eyes opened and shown there is so much more to life and to people. I think we carry this with us and when others carry on in the own 'normal' world it hurts us, we feel they should know better or make more of an effort to see us and get to know the new us.

In truth, until you have heard those words others will never truly understand what this is all about - especially the mental side to it, this keeps carrying on and on.  Thankfully in here we can share all this and see that our new feelings are normal..... Like my first year anniversary - I was expecting to be jumping for joy - yet I felt so down and low and then realised I was now actually reliving the dates of that dreadful time, grieving in a way for that person I had lost - you will get strength, day by day you will begin to like this 'new girl/boy' - she/he is one hell of a person.

Sending love and hugs to anyone struggling....

              You Can Do This!!!! Look how far you have come already xxxx

Hi Galligirl,

yes you’re right; we will never, ever go back to exactly how we were, however little this disease has touched us, however little our treatment was (I got away lightly with no need for chemo or rads) we are different. We can never be the person we were before that ‘yes you’ve got breast cancer’ statement. 

In some ways of course we are the same person but with a change of perspective; we see things perhaps with deeper senses, more aware of life and the gifts the outer world gives us each and every spring. 

Have you had a read of Dr Peter Harvey’s paper on when treatment finishes, what then? As I think it helped me enormously. I read it when daughter was coming to the end of her last bone marrow transplant recovery period, and then again after my mx though perhaps a bit too soon as it had me weeping (again!) so read again more recently. It really is good and expresses in words many of the emotions we go through. I’d recommend probably reading it yearly, especially in those anxious times of annual mammograms!

Hugs xxx

Thank you so much for your positive comments...it really does help to know I am not the only one!

moomy yes I have read that article....and often go back to it as I find it so helpful!