Strugling with diagnosis

Hi Gina,

Just noticed your post and feel your fear and upset - research is always tricky and Dr Google is not always your friend. I did exactly the same thing and frightened myself silly (unnecessarily) and I have a nursing background. You’ve probably been up padding about half the night as well so lack of sleep will take its toll. You need cold hard facts on the one hand and these are best from the breast care nurse that hopefully has been assigned to you. They should have access to your case history and results and can explain exactly what this means for you personally. I think once you have those you will initially feel scared and worried but you will (once you have processed the shock) be able to deal with it. By the way Google can only ever be generic in nature because it doesn’t know you and a lot of the people uploading the articles are journalists rather than medically qualified. Have you got anyone to turn to for emotional support which is what you probably need in spades right now. It will be light soon - I always felt worse once it got dark and it seemed too late to ring someone for support. Please call someone as soon as you can and don’t be afraid to tell them how you feel. Sending lots of love to you xx

Thank you for your reply i do have support from my grown up kids they are brilliant though i worry for them, they tell me not to. Yes night time is awful as your stuck with your thoughts and it feels like its never going to end. I am trying so hard to stay positive  as i know this is going to be hard. Ive been tols the chemo for HERS 2 positive is aggressive and having pkd dont know if my body can take it. X

Words of wisdom from Night-time can get very lonely as we tussle with our dark thoughts and the hours tick slowly by. And I say that as someone who is lucky enough to have a supportive partner. But the worrying, I tend to do that all by myself. I too googled stuff and got myself into a right state about it all. Your health professionals are the best ones to explain things to you. Don’t be afraid to keep asking questions until you feel that you understand. What you are hearing will be taking time to get through and for you to process. You are not alone. We all know what you are going through here. You did the right thing to post.

We are stronger and more resilient than we ever imagine ! That is certainly my experience. I was always such a wuss, crying and wingeing over the slightest little bump or bruise and yet here I am today having had a mastectomy !!! My hubby was having a winge yesterday, telling me how his finger is hurting a bit. It was so hard to be sympathetic and make the right noises as I was thinking to myself, Really ??? 

Hi Gina

I was diagnosed HER2 positive in November  I have had 3 rounds of chemo so far. Last one due this Friday .I am on the ROSCO trial which means 4 rounds of chemo before surgery. I was like you before I started but please believe that although it is not nice it is doable. Try and take one day at a time and not look too far ahead. The chemo side effects have been nowhere near as bad as I imagined. There are are good days in between. 

Helen

Thank you Helen for your support, xx

My best nighttime companion, when I really can’t sleep and the thoughts are overwhelming - a cup of tea and Netflix/Amazon Prime. There are some shows on there that will really keep you company. The longer the series, the better as far as I am concerned. I especially like ones that do not require me to think very much, have characters I can get into and have ongoing storylines, making me want to watch on. Friends, Downton Abbey, Grey’s Anatomy (you have to have a strong stomach for ones dealing with cancer - I admit to skipping a good few as I found it too close to home), The Good Wife ... when I haven’t felt much like reading, watching something here has been a good alternative and especially in the middle of the night. I clocked up a few episodes of The Good Wife last night !!

Thank you xx

Hi Gina, I was wondering if it would be helpfull for you to contact a macmillan centre if there is one near you? I found the waiting stage the worst and once I was into my chemo treatments and managing the side effects I booked an appointment to go and see a councillor.  Wish I'd done it sooner! She was wonderfull. I talked for over 2 hours and she was able to bring all my random fears and concerns into some sort of order, give information booklets , signed me up for look good feel better , gave me all the info about radiotherapy as I have a stay in Southampton for 3 weeks which was really stressing me out . 

What I'm trying to say is that, as supportive as people on here are, it's not the same as talking to a real person when you feel strong enough as you can get feedback straight away and carry the conversation on. I was in there for over 21/2 hours and told to come back anytime. 

Also have you met your breast care nurse yet? Mine is lovely and very helpfull. 

It's a shit journey to be on no denying it. But I try to take one stage at a time ie I will get through chemo then surgery etc. It might come back ,it might not but I trust the doctors to throw ever they have at it and I have to hope for the best. Dont get me wrong I have my meltdown days for sure but trying to stay positive.  

Can I gently suggest you speak to your gp about if he thinks you would benefit from a short term course of sleeping tablets or anti anxiety? Everything seems worse if your not sleeping . You seem to be really struggling ,and this might help a bit?

Thank you and yes i am struggling the thought of chemo scares me to death it sounds awful i though id cope but am not and no not contacted my nurse yet i thought she may have dropped me a line to see if i am ok as i was anxious when we last met x