Hi there, I’m 37 and at 35 was diagnosed with breast cancer. After waiting for years to become a mum I met my current partner and all my dreams came true. When my little girl was 6 weeks old I was told the news that I’d got cancer. Last year was hard but by December I’d had the chemo, surgery and radiotherapy and given the all clear. But that’s when I started struggling. Everybody around me seems to think that because the cancers gone that everything is ok and back to normal but I’m left feeling so far away from my usual self it’s vile. I dont look like me and yes as I’m told constantly, it’s only hair but it’s my hair, my eyelashes and without that and my weight lose I feel so rubbish about myself and have lost any confidence I had before. Everyday I take tablets which is a constant reminder, I see my reflection and it’s a constant reminder. I’ve now been started on injections to take me through the menopause which means I can’t have any more children. Maybe I never would have but having that choice taken away from me is so hard. I’m finding being around babies hard and my step daughter has just had a baby I don’t want to be around her. I’m finding I’m feeling all these emotions including resentment, envy and anger. Anger that she has had a baby and I can’t. The doctor has put me back on the sick to give myself time but now I’m feeling down about money and putting extra stress on my partner. It’s just a vicious cycle and I just want it to all be normal. I can’t make my family and friends understand how I’m feeling.
Hello 
I am also finding the aftermath of treatment difficult and can really sympathise.
I am just recovering from having my ovaries removed after a lumpectomy, chemo and rads and am hopeful that I can now move forward.
As you say everyone around me believes that it’s all over now and that I should be positive and getting on with life but it’s just not that easy is it! I was 39 at diagnosis (I’ve just turned 40) and although older than you feel young in comparison to the majority of women suffering fro this horrible disease .
I have two children of school age and that has been difficult enough so I really can’t imagine how you have coped with a really young child but You Have!!! And things will get easier I’m sure - keep going.
I have found exercise is really helping and I do a yoga class once a week too so maybe that is something that may help you too?
Wishing you all the very best for your continued recovery. And remember- Don’t be too hard on yourself
xx
Hi
huge hugs to you , Life is so cruel and unfair , you haven’t filled in your profile , so I don’t know where you are in this big world . Do you have a Maggies Centre near you ? Or similar ? If you don’t know any breast care nurse should be able to point you in the right direction .
You have the right to be angry with what has happened to you , it’s totally understandable. I still have meltdowns and cry to myself that I want my old life back.
I took early retirement and on Saturday night I had a wee leaving meal and drinks , I shared it with a friend who retired earlier but her husband was killed in a car crash . We both put on brave faces , her whole life that she had planned has changed ,as has mine , I would probably have retired now anyway but I wanted to retire because I had holidays booked and not because of chemo side effects !! Oh I have plenty holidays to come . But like you , left dealt us a hand that took away our choices .
is it too late to freeze your eggs ? Because if not that would always give you hope , even if you decide against using them.
I try and ask myself when I’m feeling down - right you in the mirror - you could get knocked down by a bus tomorrow - so do you want your epitaph to read - she was a right moaning Minnie or do you want them to remember my smile , my happy days, my laughter - I remember when I seen my plastic surgeon after my mastectomy- she said - great to see you still have your smilie face .
I had to get my nails painted black during chemo , then the young girl who did my nails - found a lump too . She has had her treatment and has taken up Body Attack , done her training and now takes classes . We are boob buddies now - I don’t go to her classes though !! 
Have you attended Breast Cancer Cares moving forward course - I made new friends at that too. Younger than me !
Do you have a sports centre near you with a crèche ? My doctor referred me or you can self refer , I got reduced membership . I love aqua aerobics and all ages attend . I think you would still have to pay for crèche though but maybe not . Has your doctor asked if you want counselling? This can open doors to assistance financially, to enable you to get well
If you can visit a Maggies centre , they will point you in the correct direction to learn to live life to the full again .
We just need to learn that only others who have experienced cancer will understand us . Hate when folk say I can get back to normal !!! Aye right!!!
so my dear ( your ages with my younger son) try to love yourself , put on your makeup , wear bright clothes and it’s getting cold , so a bright hat . Pull your big girl pants up and show the world you have fought this battle so far and your going to keep fighting . LOVE YOURSELF.
be kind to yourself
love
Ruby Rose 
No one is promised tomorrow , so try hard to be happy xxx
