Hi , yes I agree it’s horrible telling people we love, and we try to spare their feelings. And who wants to upset a 5 year old? But it’s amazing how children cope with this sort of news, they seem to have their own way of rationalising and processing it, particularly if it’s explained in the right way. I’m not an expert in this and my kids are in their 20s so a very different level of explaining, but there are many folks here who will respond with how they told their little ones. And there are Macmillan booklets dealing with this as well as other publications, I’m sure the Macmillan ones are available as downloads but worth phoning to check if no one pops in here.
I think the main thing is to be appropriately truthful and not seem as if you’re hiding something terrible. Imagination is often much worse than reality.
Sorry you’re having to face this additional worry and stress. Sometimes the pain we see in others’ responses to our situation seems worse than our own. But I’m hopeful that your niece will surprise you with her ability to cope with it. Sending gentle hugs, HFxx
HappyFeet1 xx
Don’t be afraid to cry. It will free your mind of sorrowful thoughts. – Hopi
Explaining what is happening to a young child is always a tough conversation - but one that has to be started or a youngster will pick up on emotional stuff around them and may even think they have done something wrong.
I know we are all different in what, or how or how much we tell family and friends.
I think your niece has given you the starting point. ...
Go to the doctors to fix it .......
tell niece you are going to the doctors and then ‘be flexible with the truth - say the doctor said he found a ‘lump’ and s/he is arranging for you to have it taken out. I don’t see why you need to say the ‘c’ word - she is only young and really doesn’t need all this information - it won’t help her and could even effect her more ..... for no added benefit, as such.
Of course these are just my thoughts - i am sure whichever decision you will be right.
Sending love and hugs xx
I'm hoping this makes sense - only my mind says one thing and my fingers type whatever they like x
I tend to agree with WhatHappened, be led by the child. Answer her questions but only her questions. If you go into too much detail it's likely you will confuse or scare her! I know adults who felt overwhelmed when they were handed booklets/leaflets on the subject! So a 5year old might get very upset/confused. I personally even think some of the books are too detailed for some children! Every child is different so be led by her!
The only thing I would discuss before hand is hair loss if it applies to you! As this is such a visual thing. I explained the medicine Dad was on and then I was on would make our hair fall out and that although it would eventually grow back I would need to wear a wig or scarf while i was bald.... that's when my 4year old said... "you'll be Pirate Sal"! In his eyes i suddenly became much cooler!!
IF she wants to know something she'll ask! At that age children never hold back. You just need to be prepared for questions at the strangest of times!
I too don't see the need to say you have Cancer! Unless she mentions it! When the father of the children I cared for had Cancer we discussed what he would like me to tell the children. It was agreed that we wouldn't mention Cancer! Our reason being, Cancer has so many different outcomes and particularly in school children only seem to have stories about people dying from the disease. We didn't want them to say Daddy has Cancer for someone else to say well my granny died of Cancer!!
Having said that we also made it clear that if they asked any questions we would NEVER lie to them! Also we made it clear that they could ask anything they wanted too at any time!
Those 2 children are now almost 10 and 12 and have been through both their dads and my diagnosis. They have coped so well and have felt loved, secure and comfortable throughout it all. Bless them!
You and your Bro or Sis are the only ones who know the type of child she is. Just relax and be led by her. I promise you she'll cope better than any adult you tell.
Good Luck Hun and try not to over think things. Sal xxxx
